My mother was a Marine sergeant and served at Pearl Harbor. Those of you who know my writing, or know me, know she died several years ago and was honored with a full-military funeral. Women who served are working to raise money with quilt sales and bake sales to turn a pitiful wreck of a crumbling wall into a permanent memorial at Arlington National Cemetary. These women who served in World War II are dying now, one by one.

Soon, as with all of that generation, they’ll only be memories. How sad to see the material reminders of the service go down.

Here’s the story of the women who are hoping new generations of women, and men, will pick up the slack and allow women to be remembered for their contribution. Today’s military women, as the story points out, serve in combat, while our military mothers couldn’t as much. But the generations that came before us did what they could, gladly, and as volunteers to pave the way for todays’ women to serve the way they wish to.

The msnbc article says,

“Most of them are in wheelchairs and they are ill. All of their hair is white, and I look and I think, who knows how long we’ve got left. We just want to do our best while we’re here,” said Lorraine Dieterle, 84, a World War II veteran stationed in New York as a photographer for the Coast Guard who volunteers at the memorial.”

In 1997 when the current memorial was dedicated, a 100 year-old retired soldier named Freida Mae Hardin spoke to the crowd of 40,000 onlookers. I expect she’s gone now, but what she wanted was clear. If you have any way of getting involved or of helping, please do it.

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What a midwife does, how she learned to do it, and why are topics most women probably find intriguing. I just finished reading a review copy of Beacon Press’ The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife’s Memoir by
Patricia Harman. It’s her first book, and readers will be immediately drawn in by her warm, personal voice.

I was fascinated to see that this non-fiction memoir was every bit as entertaining and poignant as the novel I loved a few years ago called THE MIDWIFE. Harman’s book is, of course, set in fairly contemporary time – her career began in the American hippy communes of the 1960s and 1970s.

As a baby boomer, I identified with that era and with her journey to now – when she is past middle age, still working hard to keep the financial end of her business on track, and torn between desires to retire and get out of the stress of owning a business and her love of serving her women patients. If you pick up this book, you’ll keep reading, because it’s much like listening to a friend tell her story over a cup of coffee.

Occasionally, Harman’s writing style gets in her own way. She flips, often in a single paragraph, from present to past tense and back. Sometimes it happens within a single sentence, and though an artful device if used carefully, it can, and does become confusing enough to pull the reader out of the story and into critique mode. Still, if you can pass by that flaw, you probably zip through the book in a few days and be glad you read it.

There are many, many memoirs from midwives. The subject lends itself to story telling. What can be more dramatic that a pregnancy – even a normal one? And if you add risk, bad partners, daughters in trouble, and women who can’t quite make the step from child to mother, the drama grows. This book has all those elements and is unique in its own ways.

Harman and her husband practiced together for many years, and she tells her story honestly. The  reader sees into the reality of being a medical provider – insurance issues, business management getting in the way of patient care, and personalities interacting on the job. But through it all are the stories of women. A cancer patient – one you don’t quite expect. A teen who keeps trusting her drug-addicted boyfriend until her life unravels in tragedy. A woman who wants help with a problem that many practitioners would refuse to get involved in.

This is a good, light read. It flows through a dozen or so lives, including Harman’s, with surprises along the way. It provokes a variety of emotions in the reader and delivers the promise every memoir should make. The Blue Cotton Gown tells one midwife’s story in a way that make her readers empathize, sympathize, and wish they might have gone down that path.

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Our guest writer, M. Ward talks about great online resources - accounting classes for women who want to become entrepreneurs or for those who just want to know more about bean counting. These classes are FREE. Read on!

When you’re starting your own business, you need to know a little bit about everything. But of course, most entrepreneurs don’t have a background in “everything,” so we have some things to learn along the way. Here are five good online resources to help you master the accounting end of your new business - for free!

Accounting Coach - This site is dedicated to teaching everyone the basics of accounting, so that you can apply the principles for your business or personal use. There are plenty of great courses. The only cost here is if you want to download their package, which will allow you to print materials easily for making notes and studying offline. This package is not necessary for the online courses. You can begin with their basics accounting course and move to more complex and in-depth courses as you need them.

Bean Counting 101 - This is a free online accounting course for non-accountants. It’s perfect for people who need to learn basics in a simple, easy to use format. While this site’s courses don’t go into as much depth as Accounting Coach, it’s a great beginning and may be all that’s needed for small business owners just getting started. It’s a beginner’s course, but it does cover all the basics, such as payroll, fixed assets and depreciation, and accrual accounting.

Simple Studies - This site offers tutorials in lots of accounting topics. The site also allows you to take diagnostic tests so you can see areas in which you need instruction. This tool allows busy business owners to focus in on areas where they are most lacking and skip areas they already understand.

Bean Counter.com - This site offers resources, including accounting tutorials, for accountants and people who want to understand accounting. You’ll find self-study classes in every aspect of accounting. There’s software and a special section devoted to taxes. Their tutorial “So, you want to learn bookkeeping” is a great reference for business owners just getting started. It gives the most important and basic bookkeeping skills for starting your business on the right accounting foot.

Bookkeeping Course.com - This is a set of beginning tutorials for an overview of accounting principles from balance sheet debits and credits to tax preparation. Designed for students who may want to later further their education in accounting, it works well for small business owners, too.

M. Ward writes about how to search for MHA programs.

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I am 60 years old. I lowered my blood pressure, lost significant weight and size, got a lot healthier, and feel wonderful. You can do it if you want to - without joining, spending, subscribing, or suffering at all. I have nothing to sell except solid advice and my experience.

Eight months ago, I turned 60 and had a rough time with the birthday. My blood pressure was high, even with meds. I had gained 20 pounds the prior year, and I have never been a small woman. I had become totally sedentary. I mean like c-o-u-c-h-p-o-t-a-t-o, mashed.

My excuses - I lived in southern Mississippi for a year - a place so hot and humid that it sucked the energy out of me. I went from doing water aerobics twice a day in my own Florida pool to sitting in a recliner most of the time, miserable, lonely, and unhappy. I moved us home to Illinois, despite my husband’s dislike of Midwestern weather. Then, he got cancer, had surgery, lost his job. My depression worsened, but I proclaimed I wasn’t depressed.

And I sat. I’m a writer. I’m supposed to sit. I medicated with food. Sugary food. Salty food. Even healthy food. Often.

My grown kids were having issues and I wallowed in theirs rather than fixing my own. Issues? I had whole subscriptions.

An old lady’s road to healthy success

People have always told me I look way younger than my age. Last year, people stopped saying that. More likely, they’d ask was I feeling ok, and when was the last time I had a physical?.

I’d say, “I’m 60″ and wait for the “Oh, I’d never have guessed!”

I heard - “Yep.” No surprise - I looked 60 and more.

So.

• Husband survived and recovered nicely.
• Kids moved on in their lives - we all do. Their troubles got fixed. More troubles came. They handled them. They don’t require me to manage their lives.
• Weather here does not prevent activity.

I began to get a clue. I could live long and prosper, or not.

I talked in depth with my doctor about nutrition, dieting, medicating with food. She said food can keep you alive or kill you. Your choice. Dieting is temporary and fairly useless unless you want to be a yoyo.  But food can be managed long term without deprivation torture.

Every human being needs physical activity to make bowels function, hearts beat, blood flow, and cells regenerate. It doesn’t matter, for a 60 year-old everyday woman,  whether that activity is 15 minutes or two-hours a day. If I do it regularly, enjoy it, and work up a little sweat, I’m doing myself immeasurable benefit. I don’t have to measure up to Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Oprah’s trainer, or any fitness guru. I only need to keep moving part of every day. Cool. I can do that.

But I like chocolate

I eat every food I enjoy, in normal portions. I learned I want to avoid, chemicals and poisons. I like close to nature foods. I seldom, seldom, seldom use artificial sweeteners except for a couple of hits of Truvia per week in a drink or a dessert. I drink pop once in a blue moon. I don’t add salt to anything. I avoid, but do not forbid myself sugar. I eat chocolate several times a week - almost always very dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher) and with portions controlled. An ounce, perhaps.

I had triple chocolate layer cake yesterday. I counted it in my food calculator. Worth every calorie, each bite a decadent pleasure. Over my tongue. Melting down my throat. Sweet flavor. Rich texture. I took a good wedge, gave my husband one, indulged, and gave the rest of the cake to my daughter’s family. No guilt. I don’t do guilt.

Today, I am enjoying light salads, steamed vegetables, and fresh fruit. I’m eating till I’m almost full, then I busy myself with something till I feel hungry, and do it all over.

I model my nutrition after the South Beach philosophy - their glycemic index makes sense to me - but anything that works for you is good. I am a terrific cook, and I cook Mediterranean style mostly, managing portions scrupulously.

This I know clearly -

Calories in - calories used = how much you weigh. It doesn’t matter if those calories are 100% chocolate, fat, sugar, or anti-oxidents, carbs, protein or cardboard. The math doesn’t lie. You don’t have to buy someone’s book or program to manage your health. Those things may motivate, but they are not magic.

Getting my ass off the couch

Knowing I had to get off that couch, I acknowledged the following:

1. I dislike sweating.
2. I am not cute in a leotard, nor do I feel comfortable strutting in one.
3. Pain is not my thing.

For me, the best thing is high-resistance water exercise. Advantaging a New Year’s promotion in the slumping health club industry, I joined my local club because they have three heated pools. They waived the hefty signup fee.  My life is worth the discounted $50 a month. I go three to five times a week and I work as hard in that pool as a football player in pre-season. I jog, I use dumbells, I swim, I stretch. I sweat, but who can tell when I’m in four feet of water?

• I ride a stationary bike while I watch Jeopardy, at least three times a week. It’s a 25 min workout that doesn’t bother my arthritis.
• I park my car at the back end of every parking lot.
• I store some everyday items on the second floor of my home. I go upstairs every time I need them, use them downstairs, and take them back up. I don’t send my kids or grandkids up to get anything I need.

I know this: If you increase your activity regularly and do not increase your food intake, you’ll lose weight gradually. You don’t need an exercise video. Don’t need to suffer. Just move. Sex helps, too. Good, safe, relationship sex.

Caring about yourself is a key

No matter how many resolutions I made or how much I worried about my health, nothing worked until I understood that:  I am at the last third or so of my time on Earth and I deserve to care about myself as much as I care about anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, no one else can.

I get in touch with my own needs, wants, and wishes.

• Can I babysit? You bet! I love those little kids. But I can’t do it every day, or for long hours. I can’t often do it without notice.
• Can I take a nap? Sure! And you can bet I’ll feel no guilt.
• I reserve the absolute right to say, “No”  to anything, anytime. No explanation required.
• I don’t negotiate my own truths, and I clearly know what they are.
• I love people, but not all people, and I’m not overly concerned about those who don’t like me. It’s unlikely I’ll  change greatly anymore - I have made many changes in myself over years, and I like who I am.
• Stress is natural and motivates us to accomplish. But stress must be managed and I am best at managing my own.
• I trust my health advisors and will do what they recommend as long as I understand all the ramifications.

What I learned and how it saved my life

I will never again be less than 60 and I have grown to be friends with that. I read somewhere that if you are alive in 2010, chances are you could live to well over 100 years old. A nice goal, I think.

Today, I went to see my doctor because I have an ugly, uncomfortable ear/sinus thing going on. Haven’t seen her in a year–since my last, rather distressing physical.

She said - “Wow! You look great! One of my youngest baby boomers!”

She took my blood pressure - remember, I’m sick with an infection and my BP is always higher in a doctor’s office. It was 120/78. I kid you not! Last reading was 148/90.

My weight has dropped by 20 pounds. My clothing size went down a whole size or more.

My heart rate was awesome. And last week, I had an eye exam.  That doctor said I have the organic eye-health of a 20 year-old. Last year? They saw floating protein gunk in my eyeball fluid and lectured me about diabetes risk.

Most days, I eat about 1500 calories. Maybe twice a week I am apt to go up to 2,000, and maybe once a month I’ll go all out and end up at 2500. I always use the next day to recover, reducing my food intake, increasing my non-sweet fluid intake, and being more physical.

I only sit at a computer or anywhere else for a max 90 min at a time. Then I get up - clean something, walk, run errands, or get active in some way before I go back to the sedentary activity.

I do things that make me smile or laugh - every single day. My grandkids are a big part of that, but so are friends, siblings, other family members, and online acquaintances.

I rest when I need to, thoroughly.

I meditate frequently and regularly with guided imagery tapes. They work extremely well for me.

I put all my troubles in two virtual buckets. A.) things I can fix and B.) things I can;t fix. I work through bucket (A) at a healthy once - recognizing my strengths and weaknesses. I reward myself for managing milestones from that bucket. (Rewards almost never involve food.) I let bucket (B) sit there and percolate. If it gets too full, I add another bucket. I spend a structure 15 minutes a week wallowing in worry about the contents, but I never take anything out of that bucket. The stuff will work itself into oblivion or into the other bucket when something has changed to permit me to handle an item.

I load my food program with anti-oxidents (who can resists blueberries, strawberries, great veggies?) healthy fats (oh yeah - give me those ripe avocados, premium olive oil, or well-prepared wild salmon!) I drink skim milk every day. I eat only foods that look, smell, and taste great. I fuss over our meals. We have selected several are restaurants that serve rational portions, don’t coat everything in salt, and really understand food preparation and cooking. I drink water all day long. I take an 80 gr aspirin a day and a multi-vitamin every other day because my Doc told me too.

I record everything I eat or drink almost every day. Probably five days a week - sometimes more. I do it scrupulously because lying to myself is pretty silly. I weigh myself sometimes, but not weekly and certainly not every day. I have found tracking weight monthly gives a realistic picture. Measuring myself, and paying attention to how my clothes fit and how I feel are much more meaningful than a number on a scale.

I don’t believe I will every be a slim woman. I never have been. Well, maybe once in 1967. I do believe a woman who is outside the recommended weights for her age can be healthy, happy, attractive, and can live long. I’m strong - I’ll take you on if you want me to! come on - Indian wrestle? Dance contest? Tug of war? I have good muscle tone - getting better. Great blood pressure. Healthy heart and a carotid scan showed less plaque than usual for my age. I’m happy, productive, talented, brilliant, healthy, and awesome as a friend or mentor. I love my own self.

And to think that I am practically an over night success! It only took me 60 years.

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Having serious neglected these blogs for a month, I am back on track with a question. Has marriage become a temporary condition? While California gays expending enormous effort to gain the right to be married, fighting for same sex marriage, I wonder if heterosexuals have lost the ability to understand the entire idea.

I know a young couple, married for five years. Two children - prekindergarten and toddler. An idyllic couple, really; so in love they couldn’t wait to marry. Husband has great job. Nice home. Family support and encouragement. social life. Education. They have it all.

One day, the wife decides she’s bored. She trolls Facebook for someone to relieve the boredom. Her family watches her accumulate male “friends” on the website. Her husband, secure in knowing he provides well, helps out with the kids, runs to the grocery store when required, and tells wife she’s pretty when he thinks of it, feels pretty secure. Life is good. He believes women and men can be friends without hanky panky and he trusts his wife. He sits on his couch, a lot, watching TV. He’s tired - 60 hour work week.

Later, after it all implodes, she will tell. him she made a conscious choice to hurt him. She never articulates why. Boredom?

So the wife hooks up with a boyfriend - a guy the husband befriended when they served together in Korea, and later, Iraq, bombs bursting in air. The scumbag came to visit the couple often. Lived off them for a time - he doesn’t choose to work. Bonded with the wife while the husband slept.

The couple went on a lovely vacation with the kids. NO, not the husband and wife. The wife and the boyfriend. they traveled three states, posted photos of the happy family entertaining the children. Lovely mountain venues. Stayed with the wife’s mom for a bit. And then the wife came home, packed up three small backpacks, and ran away with the kids to another state, where the scumbag resided in a rusty trailer. He’s unemployed, of course.

Refused to come home. Husband got a court order to bring home his biological son, the toddler. Wife said - ok, fine. I have one child and a boyfriend.

The marriage has now become a “case.” The children are confused, lonely and scared. They have each lost one parent, and each other. One has lost his friends, his home, his toys, his school, his clothes, too. the wife says - hey, he’ll adjust and get over it. I have my boyfriend. But no job, no money, no prospects, no place to live. She bunks in with whatever people will have her and a child for however long.

The husband and wife send unbelievably accusatory text messages to each other more often than hourly. They phone each other on prepaid cell phones and detail what action they each will take next to make the other feel like trash. They are out to annihilate each other and it’s working.

The kids? Adjusting to an extent. On the outside. They laugh sometimes. They play, and at least one of them gets plenty of hugs. No one knows where the other is, in what conditions, or with whom.

The husband and wife aren’t gay. they have always had the right to choose a partner, create a “relationship” and marry without giving any thought to the long term. When the wedding is over and the housework sets in, the job takes over, the kids get messy and cranky, the dog pukes, and the in-laws interfere, the husband and wife have the right to dissolve the marriage.

Gays, all over the country, are petitioning and fighting for the same right. Perhaps they will get what they want and maybe they will have the good sense to figure the marriages they may create in the future are worth fighting for, not fighting about. We heteros seem to have lost that perspective. It is so damned easy to get bored, resent housework, feel tired, and run away to something else. But what happens to the kids?

Nearly every U.S. state has boiled divorce down to irreconcilable differences. You don’t have to have a reason to break up. You don’t have to think about the pros and cons. Just sign the papers, pay the lawyer, and walk away. Most women never recover financially. Most children never recover emotionally. But hey, if you’re bored with housework, you gotta do something, right?

Writer Cynthia Reeser asks our fantastic women readers:

Have you ever thought of writing, but weren’t sure where to begin? Or maybe you consider yourself a writer of sorts, but are looking for your next great idea. If the preceding sounds familiar, here’s a word of advice: don’t rule out reality. It is often said that truth is stranger than fiction, and if you think about it, you probably have at least a few experiences that would fill the bill. Real experiences can make for some of the most interesting storylines and sources of inspiration, especially when writing for children, who love plenty of action and adventurous situations. But keep in mind that details of people, mood, events, and places can also be changed. The key is to listen to the story.

(WomenDayByDay is pleased to offer a guest post by Cynthia Reeser, author of How to Write and Publish a Successful Children’s Book: Everything You Need to Know Explained Simply (Back-To-Basics). Now, please enjoy the rest of Cynthia’s advice.)

Children’s author JoAnn Early Macken, author of Sing-Along Song and Flip, Float, Fly: Seeds on the Move, took her experience of a botched camping trip and asked herself “What if?” When writing about her experience, instead of feeling as though she had to stay true to the events precisely as they happened, she reassessed her theme and audience. She adjusted her story to make it more interesting to her young audience. If you choose to write about a true event and change none of the details, it would be classified as a memoir or nonfiction. However, for fiction, let true events inspire the work, rather than enslave it. When writing, you might ask yourself What if? What if, instead of everyone arriving home shaken, but safe, someone had fallen overboard and had to be rescued? What if the action were heightened with the threat of an oncoming storm or debris in the water? Ask yourself how you can heighten the interest of each situation you write about for your readers. Look for ways to make them feel drawn to what is happening, and the result will be a pair of eyes that is glued to the page.

Journaling is a good way to keep track of experiences that inspire you or that are memorable. Anything out of the ordinary or that strikes a chord is fair game. You may choose to keep a separate journal of “interesting experiences,” or have an area in which you can record thoughts on stories you read, ideas for new tales based on stories you hear other people tell, events from your own past or present, or simply enjoyable moments with your children, relatives, and friends. If you are struggling to remember an event from the past, write what you remember. Sometimes this technique can trigger more memories, but the beauty of fiction writing is that you can take many liberties to alter facts and include new information that moves the story along, enhances the character dynamics, and increases the overall interest of the story for your readers.

To spark new ideas, try recalling events from childhood in your journal. This is an especially good way to prepare children’s and young adult writers for story development, as it can be a good beginning to remembering yourself as you were at the age of your intended audience. If you are writing picture books, try to remember what it was like on your first day of school, and write about that. For example:

• What were you feeling?
• Did you make new friends immediately, or did it take time?
• Were you afraid of the dark when you were six years old?
• Did you ever take any memorable vacations?
• What was your bedtime routine like?
• Look at old pictures in your family album to spark ideas. Pick one or more photographs that speak to you. What was happening in those pictures? What age were you? Who else was there and what were they doing?
• Go through some of your old things that you still have from when you were a child. Diaries, notebooks, toys and trinkets, articles of clothing, artwork, and other memorabilia can trigger memories and fresh ideas.

If you are a nonfiction writer and you are struggling to piece together snippets of memory, start by writing about what you do remember. Then talk to others who were witness to the event in some way, but keep in mind that even if it is a memoir, your story is just that: your story, told from your point of view, written in your words.

Nonfiction is a bit different. Unless you are writing an autobiography or a biography of someone you know, your information will almost always come from primary and secondary sources on your subject. There is plenty of information written about Benjamin Franklin, as well as historical archives that you can reference to help your story along. However, this material does not generally fall under the category of writing from life experience. Apply the techniques suggested above to make the writing relate to your audience, so that they can relate better to your writing.

Cynthia Reeser is editor-in-chief and founder of a quarterly literary journal, Prick of the Spindle, and author of HOW TO WRITE AND PUBLISH A SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN’S BOOK: EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW EXPLAINED SIMPLY. Cynthia authored a book on Kindle publishing, anticipated in early spring 2010. Her works of  criticism, nonfiction, and poetry are widely published in both print and online media.

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The new year - lots of people have resolved to get healthy and fit. To keep up the momentum, we all need positive re-enforcement, and women are tempted to sneak a little treat, or a big one, like ice cream, chocolate, a bag of Oreos (hey, I was really good for two weeks!)You can choose from 14 ways to reward yourself without calories or guilt.

Set personal goals to demonstrate to yourself how much progress you’re making. Each time you reach a goal, reward yourself. Here’s a list of fourteen things you can give yourself that won’t sabotage your good intentions.

1. If it has to be food, find a healthy and fit recipe for a sumptuous dessert that isn’t loaded with calories.
2. Buy yourself a new handbag or tote bag. Always a cool feeling.
3. Go to a movie with a friend who absolutely shares your taste.
4. Buy some new music, slap on headphones, and listen to the album all the way through.
5. Buy a new sweater - bright, warm, and natural fabric.
6. Get a new coffee cup that’s 100% only for you. A big one.
7. Go out and play - find a venue that provides everything you need for an afternoon of noodling around. Our community has a little ceramic shop where you buy a piece, rent a table space, and paint your chosen item. They fire it and call you a few days later when it’s done.
8. Find a set of colored pencils, paint, or chalk and create something colorful.
9. Do the proverbial bubble bath with all the accoutrements.
10. Shut off the phones, lock the door and meditate or do creative visualization in total silence.
11. Put fresh flowers on your desk or work space or table. Bury your nose in them and breathe deeply.
12. Take a day off. Don’t work. Don’t clean. Don’t make calls. Rest. Relax.
13. Spend half a day in the park, reading a wonderful book.
14. Take a nap in silky pajamas.

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