Having serious neglected these blogs for a month, I am back on track with a question. Has marriage become a temporary condition? While California gays expending enormous effort to gain the right to be married, fighting for same sex marriage, I wonder if heterosexuals have lost the ability to understand the entire idea.

I know a young couple, married for five years. Two children - prekindergarten and toddler. An idyllic couple, really; so in love they couldn’t wait to marry. Husband has great job. Nice home. Family support and encouragement. social life. Education. They have it all.

One day, the wife decides she’s bored. She trolls Facebook for someone to relieve the boredom. Her family watches her accumulate male “friends” on the website. Her husband, secure in knowing he provides well, helps out with the kids, runs to the grocery store when required, and tells wife she’s pretty when he thinks of it, feels pretty secure. Life is good. He believes women and men can be friends without hanky panky and he trusts his wife. He sits on his couch, a lot, watching TV. He’s tired - 60 hour work week.

Later, after it all implodes, she will tell. him she made a conscious choice to hurt him. She never articulates why. Boredom?

So the wife hooks up with a boyfriend - a guy the husband befriended when they served together in Korea, and later, Iraq, bombs bursting in air. The scumbag came to visit the couple often. Lived off them for a time - he doesn’t choose to work. Bonded with the wife while the husband slept.

The couple went on a lovely vacation with the kids. NO, not the husband and wife. The wife and the boyfriend. they traveled three states, posted photos of the happy family entertaining the children. Lovely mountain venues. Stayed with the wife’s mom for a bit. And then the wife came home, packed up three small backpacks, and ran away with the kids to another state, where the scumbag resided in a rusty trailer. He’s unemployed, of course.

Refused to come home. Husband got a court order to bring home his biological son, the toddler. Wife said - ok, fine. I have one child and a boyfriend.

The marriage has now become a “case.” The children are confused, lonely and scared. They have each lost one parent, and each other. One has lost his friends, his home, his toys, his school, his clothes, too. the wife says - hey, he’ll adjust and get over it. I have my boyfriend. But no job, no money, no prospects, no place to live. She bunks in with whatever people will have her and a child for however long.

The husband and wife send unbelievably accusatory text messages to each other more often than hourly. They phone each other on prepaid cell phones and detail what action they each will take next to make the other feel like trash. They are out to annihilate each other and it’s working.

The kids? Adjusting to an extent. On the outside. They laugh sometimes. They play, and at least one of them gets plenty of hugs. No one knows where the other is, in what conditions, or with whom.

The husband and wife aren’t gay. they have always had the right to choose a partner, create a “relationship” and marry without giving any thought to the long term. When the wedding is over and the housework sets in, the job takes over, the kids get messy and cranky, the dog pukes, and the in-laws interfere, the husband and wife have the right to dissolve the marriage.

Gays, all over the country, are petitioning and fighting for the same right. Perhaps they will get what they want and maybe they will have the good sense to figure the marriages they may create in the future are worth fighting for, not fighting about. We heteros seem to have lost that perspective. It is so damned easy to get bored, resent housework, feel tired, and run away to something else. But what happens to the kids?

Nearly every U.S. state has boiled divorce down to irreconcilable differences. You don’t have to have a reason to break up. You don’t have to think about the pros and cons. Just sign the papers, pay the lawyer, and walk away. Most women never recover financially. Most children never recover emotionally. But hey, if you’re bored with housework, you gotta do something, right?

Writer Cynthia Reeser asks our fantastic women readers:

Have you ever thought of writing, but weren’t sure where to begin? Or maybe you consider yourself a writer of sorts, but are looking for your next great idea. If the preceding sounds familiar, here’s a word of advice: don’t rule out reality. It is often said that truth is stranger than fiction, and if you think about it, you probably have at least a few experiences that would fill the bill. Real experiences can make for some of the most interesting storylines and sources of inspiration, especially when writing for children, who love plenty of action and adventurous situations. But keep in mind that details of people, mood, events, and places can also be changed. The key is to listen to the story.

(WomenDayByDay is pleased to offer a guest post by Cynthia Reeser, author of How to Write and Publish a Successful Children’s Book: Everything You Need to Know Explained Simply (Back-To-Basics). Now, please enjoy the rest of Cynthia’s advice.)

Cynthia Reeser

Children’s author JoAnn Early Macken, author of Sing-Along Song and Flip, Float, Fly: Seeds on the Move, took her experience of a botched camping trip and asked herself “What if?” When writing about her experience, instead of feeling as though she had to stay true to the events precisely as they happened, she reassessed her theme and audience. She adjusted her story to make it more interesting to her young audience. If you choose to write about a true event and change none of the details, it would be classified as a memoir or nonfiction. However, for fiction, let true events inspire the work, rather than enslave it. When writing, you might ask yourself What if? What if, instead of everyone arriving home shaken, but safe, someone had fallen overboard and had to be rescued? What if the action were heightened with the threat of an oncoming storm or debris in the water? Ask yourself how you can heighten the interest of each situation you write about for your readers. Look for ways to make them feel drawn to what is happening, and the result will be a pair of eyes that is glued to the page.

Journaling is a good way to keep track of experiences that inspire you or that are memorable. Anything out of the ordinary or that strikes a chord is fair game. You may choose to keep a separate journal of “interesting experiences,” or have an area in which you can record thoughts on stories you read, ideas for new tales based on stories you hear other people tell, events from your own past or present, or simply enjoyable moments with your children, relatives, and friends. If you are struggling to remember an event from the past, write what you remember. Sometimes this technique can trigger more memories, but the beauty of fiction writing is that you can take many liberties to alter facts and include new information that moves the story along, enhances the character dynamics, and increases the overall interest of the story for your readers.

To spark new ideas, try recalling events from childhood in your journal. This is an especially good way to prepare children’s and young adult writers for story development, as it can be a good beginning to remembering yourself as you were at the age of your intended audience. If you are writing picture books, try to remember what it was like on your first day of school, and write about that. For example:

• What were you feeling?
• Did you make new friends immediately, or did it take time?
• Were you afraid of the dark when you were six years old?
• Did you ever take any memorable vacations?
• What was your bedtime routine like?
• Look at old pictures in your family album to spark ideas. Pick one or more photographs that speak to you. What was happening in those pictures? What age were you? Who else was there and what were they doing?
• Go through some of your old things that you still have from when you were a child. Diaries, notebooks, toys and trinkets, articles of clothing, artwork, and other memorabilia can trigger memories and fresh ideas.

If you are a nonfiction writer and you are struggling to piece together snippets of memory, start by writing about what you do remember. Then talk to others who were witness to the event in some way, but keep in mind that even if it is a memoir, your story is just that: your story, told from your point of view, written in your words.

Nonfiction is a bit different. Unless you are writing an autobiography or a biography of someone you know, your information will almost always come from primary and secondary sources on your subject. There is plenty of information written about Benjamin Franklin, as well as historical archives that you can reference to help your story along. However, this material does not generally fall under the category of writing from life experience. Apply the techniques suggested above to make the writing relate to your audience, so that they can relate better to your writing.

Cynthia Reeser is editor-in-chief and founder of a quarterly literary journal, Prick of the Spindle, and author of HOW TO WRITE AND PUBLISH A SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN’S BOOK: EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW EXPLAINED SIMPLY. Cynthia authored a book on Kindle publishing, anticipated in early spring 2010. Her works of  criticism, nonfiction, and poetry are widely published in both print and online media.

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The new year - lots of people have resolved to get healthy and fit. To keep up the momentum, we all need positive re-enforcement, and women are tempted to sneak a little treat, or a big one, like ice cream, chocolate, a bag of Oreos (hey, I was really good for two weeks!)You can choose from 14 ways to reward yourself without calories or guilt.

Set personal goals to demonstrate to yourself how much progress you’re making. Each time you reach a goal, reward yourself. Here’s a list of fourteen things you can give yourself that won’t sabotage your good intentions.

1. If it has to be food, find a healthy and fit recipe for a sumptuous dessert that isn’t loaded with calories.
2. Buy yourself a new handbag or tote bag. Always a cool feeling.
3. Go to a movie with a friend who absolutely shares your taste.
4. Buy some new music, slap on headphones, and listen to the album all the way through.
5. Buy a new sweater - bright, warm, and natural fabric.
6. Get a new coffee cup that’s 100% only for you. A big one.
7. Go out and play - find a venue that provides everything you need for an afternoon of noodling around. Our community has a little ceramic shop where you buy a piece, rent a table space, and paint your chosen item. They fire it and call you a few days later when it’s done.
8. Find a set of colored pencils, paint, or chalk and create something colorful.
9. Do the proverbial bubble bath with all the accoutrements.
10. Shut off the phones, lock the door and meditate or do creative visualization in total silence.
11. Put fresh flowers on your desk or work space or table. Bury your nose in them and breathe deeply.
12. Take a day off. Don’t work. Don’t clean. Don’t make calls. Rest. Relax.
13. Spend half a day in the park, reading a wonderful book.
14. Take a nap in silky pajamas.

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Feel this good at home.

The doldrums of winter - a blah time for everyone once the holidays are gone, winter has set in, and chances are the kids have colds or are whiny. You have cabin fever. TV is a vast wasteland - and you don’t give rat’s patoot about Jay Leno, O’Brien, or Daly. Here’s my recipe for an instant spa in a pretty little tin - a way to feel better:

I got a sample tin of Clear Mind Balm from my Twitter friends at Badger Balm. They had me when I read the ingredients:

Extra virgin olive oil, beeswax, essential oils of lemon, rosemary, grapefruit, cardamom, calendula, rosehip, and ginger.

The tin is a beautiful warm pink shade and the aroma is deep and inspiring. The company advises that it’s for clarity and focus. They call it portable aroma therapy and that’s what it is. I used half a tin in about a week. I kept stroking it on my writs, sniffing, and saying, “Ahhhh.” You can try  Badger Balm Headache & Clear Mind Duet Set if you’re interested.

I used it on my cuticles - a continuous problem in the winter. I dabbed it under my nose and my three-year old grandson’s when we had the sniffles together.

What about the spa part?

Assemble a nice candle. A relaxation video or CD. I used a CD called Celtic Spirit Meditations - a true journey that took me out of my living room and into the Ages. Headphones. A cup of scented tea -  Ginger Lemon Grass Tea by The Republic of Tea?

Sit in a cozy, soft chair in a warm room.

Mix all the assembled ingredients to your taste and do what you will with them. After 30 minutes or so, you’ll feel like a new woman. Do it again tomorrow. Blessings on you.

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this is a reprint of an article I did for a couple of print publications. I thought the info so important I offer it to you here. Even if we’re all about health, we may neglect our eyes, and that’s crucial to your well-being. Ask your eye doctor some considered questions and learn the best way for you to manage vision correction.

Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses. Not true. Of men surveyed by Vision Council of America (VCA), 92% said women in fashionable eyewear are attractive. Women feel the same way about men in specs.

You can choose eyeglasses or contact lenses to bring vision back near 20/20 and it’s entirely possible to cure many seeing issues once thought to be permanent. Doctors can fix cataracts and glaucoma more effectively than ever before. Though there are vision problems that can’t be cured, many can be treated or arrested if caught early. Bottom line - beautiful eyes begin with healthy eyes.

Beauty comes from within

Eye docs say great nutrition and healthy lifestyle affect eyes and regular annual checkups is the way to go.

Essentials for protecting eyes:

1. Wear UV-blocking sun glasses all the time. Encourage children to do the same.
2. Use safety glasses anytime your eyes are at risk
3. Never let an unqualified person fit you with contact lenses - see a doctor.
4. Follow doctor’s instructions with contacts or eye solutions - to the letter.
5. Tell your doctor about any change in your vision.

Permanent vision repair

Don’t want glasses or lenses? You can consider Lasik surgery, laser-assisted, out-patient procedure that can repair vision for life.

Dr. George Thurber, MD, with the Center for Eye Care, Biloxi, MS says all Lasik isn’t the same. Equipment and process have improved. Expect to pay $1600 to $2000 per eye for top-quality, most insurance won’t cover it. But that price point ensures minimal risk of halo-vision, starburst images or other imperfections, once common. With computer-aided mapping of your eye and today’s lasers, 95% of patients have zero side effects and permanent correction.

Lasik is simple for the patient, says Thurber. A few seconds per eye, after initial consulting. You focus on a small red light - lasers painlessly remove microscopic cornea layers. Men and women, in general good health, from about age 18 to 70-something, are opting for Lasik, with great results.

How eyeware can help you express yourself

Some people prefer glasses. That can be a wonderful enhancement of your looks and personality statement. Frame design follows ready-to-wear clothing trends and nothing is more stylish than strutting your own stuff. New, surprising materials are on the scene. Everyone is accessorizing, according to Susan Martonik, spokesperson for VCA.

“The coolest thing is matching frames to fashion or function - a wardrobe of multiple pairs. It’s about eclectic individual style. Make a statement that’s all you,” she says.

Martonik sees women wearing flirty feminine frames for social or dress up events, chic designer frames for business and casual glasses everyday. Men choose stronger designs for rough sports, technologically enhanced eyewear like stylish safety glasses for on-the-job needs, and reds or brighter blues and sexier greys for social occasions.

Make your frames suit your face

If they don’t suit your face, frames won’t enhance your style. You could spend hours agonizing over every frame on those racks upon racks at the store, or you could go online and prescreen basic shapes and styles, right on your own face. Googling for “virtual eyeglass try on” will net you a number of options. Try framesdirect.com/framefinder for starters. You load a photo of yourself, then swap frames.

Experts say choices are almost unlimited and new frames come out every day. There’s a growing popularity with prescription sunglasses and designer frames for shades are another way to express yourself and perk up your look.

For some people, surgery doesn’t appeal and wearing glasses isn’t right either. Contact lenses are getting better and more comfortable than ever before. Lenses come in an array of colors and there are even special effects lenses. If you have the budget, they’re out there. Treat your eyes well - you don’t get second chances.

Most women would jump on a legitimate work-at-home opportunity. Are you willing to learn a set of  professional skills and then work hard from home? Ghost writing may be for you. I warn you - ghost writing isn’t easy. The rewards? Set your own schedule. Work from where ever you choose - at home, your boat, a vacation locale. I’ve done it for years and so has Claudia Suzanne - the world’s most prolific, respected ghosts. Cash in on her secrets - this isn’t a sales pitch, it’s a clue.

Claudia Suzanne

I’ve worked at home for three decades, successfully, and am always on the look out for job opportunities that women can use long term to make a living while raising a family or enjoying personal freedom. Four months ago, I met a phenomenal writer, Claudia Suzanne. She has written more than 100 books - fiction and non-fiction, but you probably don’t recognize her name. That doesn’t bother her.

What does a ghost writer do?

Ghost writer Claudia, well-known in the publishing industry and master of a satisfying income, says:

1. A ghost is a writer who reads an author’s manuscript, writes an evaluation of the strengths and weaknesses, then presents professional recommendations to the author. The goal: to get the manuscript attention and respect it deserves upon submission. The ghost must learn to evaluate from a positive point-of-view.
2. The ghost, with the author, refines and polishes a manuscript so it pleases the author and meets professional standards. The ghost may simply do a thorough edit, or rewrite most of it, with author-input. The ghost must learn how the publishing industry ticks, effective editing, and how to maintain any author’s voice.
3. The ghost puts together a professional quality proposal package for the author to submit. The ghost must learn what agents look for.
4. The ghost gets paid. A lot. The ghost must learn how to be worth it.

How to learn the right way to market yourself as a ghost

I signed on to audit Claudia’s 14-week ghost writer training program. Audit, as in she waived the tuition so I could report to you women. Two weeks into the program, I was so impressed with her teaching, her knowledge, and the value of the class that I paid the tuition. Claudia has fueled new, lucrative careers for hundreds of students. Her past students have branched into editing, small press publishing, novel writing, and lots of other fields.

If you need a new career and have experience or solid skills as a writer - you could do a lot worse than investing in this ghost writer certification training. The pace is like a master’s level college program - the work serious and multi-layered. Weekly class time is three hours; homework is at least five hours. The “classroom” is a telephone conference call each week - an extremely effective distance learning method. Claudia’s style is warm, professional, serious.

If you take the certification training and meet completion requirements, you’ll earn the only ghost writing certification in the industry. You’ll learn how to find customers, set rates that reflect your level of expertise, and how to make a name for yourself in the business, even though your name may never appear on a book’s cover.

Ghost writing is one of the fastest growing careers. As the changing publishing business lets more people publish writing cheaply and quickly, more people want to write books. But many understand they don’t know how. They are willing to pay for help. You can put yourself in the hands of one of the most respected ghosting experts and learn to provide that expert help.

Read the details about ghost writing certification training.

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A review of Claudia’s course

Women, we are nurturers who often forget to nurture ourselves. Here’s a quick one-day vacation that will help your rid your life of the people and things that suck the breath out of you and clutter up your karma. Do this activity a couple of times a year and I promise you will live more happily, have more time for the things that matter, and rid your consciousness of people who drain you but add nothing to the quality of your life. Follow me.

Begin like this:

Take one full day off. No phone, email, doorbell, TV, or conversation with anyone but yourself. Sit quietly with your breakfast coffee- tea - whatever. Close your eyes. Take five full minutes to empty your mind. Open your eyes and make a list of things that are taking your time on a day-to-day or hour-by-hour basis. Next to each, jot ideas about your feelings - gut impulses. Do you generally react to these things (or people) postively or negatively. Consider your overall ipressions. We can feel negatively toward everyone or anything in our lives and sometimes. You’re looking for those things that just weigh you down all the time.

Put the list away and spend the rest of the day doing things that only benefit YOU. While you do that, talk to yourelf, honestly, all day, about things that are giving you difficulty. Listen to yourself. At day’s end, take the list back out and pick two things to modify or eliminate so that you regain time and energy they are sucking up. If it’s your significant other that comes to the surface - you will need to do some deep soul searching to discover what changes must be made to make that relationship work for you. Sometimes, you’ll need to find professional counseling to help you determine if that relationship is one you should keep, or one you’d be better off ending.

Take the two activities, things, or people you’ve identified and put them in a little box at the front of your mind. Everyday,for a few days pull each of them out and carefully consider what your next best move should be. Consider this from the point of view of helping yourself regain your time and space. Make a decision - change, eliminate, reprioritize, or put the thing out of your schedule for a while. If it’s a person, try not seeing him, or not catering to her, or being to busy to respond for a while. Once you’ve made your decision, trust your instinct. Act on the decision with strength, courage, and determination.

Let me know how it went.