Having serious neglected these blogs for a month, I am back on track with a question. Has marriage become a temporary condition? While California gays expending enormous effort to gain the right to be married, fighting for same sex marriage, I wonder if heterosexuals have lost the ability to understand the entire idea.

I know a young couple, married for five years. Two children - prekindergarten and toddler. An idyllic couple, really; so in love they couldn’t wait to marry. Husband has great job. Nice home. Family support and encouragement. social life. Education. They have it all.

One day, the wife decides she’s bored. She trolls Facebook for someone to relieve the boredom. Her family watches her accumulate male “friends” on the website. Her husband, secure in knowing he provides well, helps out with the kids, runs to the grocery store when required, and tells wife she’s pretty when he thinks of it, feels pretty secure. Life is good. He believes women and men can be friends without hanky panky and he trusts his wife. He sits on his couch, a lot, watching TV. He’s tired - 60 hour work week.

Later, after it all implodes, she will tell. him she made a conscious choice to hurt him. She never articulates why. Boredom?

So the wife hooks up with a boyfriend - a guy the husband befriended when they served together in Korea, and later, Iraq, bombs bursting in air. The scumbag came to visit the couple often. Lived off them for a time - he doesn’t choose to work. Bonded with the wife while the husband slept.

The couple went on a lovely vacation with the kids. NO, not the husband and wife. The wife and the boyfriend. they traveled three states, posted photos of the happy family entertaining the children. Lovely mountain venues. Stayed with the wife’s mom for a bit. And then the wife came home, packed up three small backpacks, and ran away with the kids to another state, where the scumbag resided in a rusty trailer. He’s unemployed, of course.

Refused to come home. Husband got a court order to bring home his biological son, the toddler. Wife said - ok, fine. I have one child and a boyfriend.

The marriage has now become a “case.” The children are confused, lonely and scared. They have each lost one parent, and each other. One has lost his friends, his home, his toys, his school, his clothes, too. the wife says - hey, he’ll adjust and get over it. I have my boyfriend. But no job, no money, no prospects, no place to live. She bunks in with whatever people will have her and a child for however long.

The husband and wife send unbelievably accusatory text messages to each other more often than hourly. They phone each other on prepaid cell phones and detail what action they each will take next to make the other feel like trash. They are out to annihilate each other and it’s working.

The kids? Adjusting to an extent. On the outside. They laugh sometimes. They play, and at least one of them gets plenty of hugs. No one knows where the other is, in what conditions, or with whom.

The husband and wife aren’t gay. they have always had the right to choose a partner, create a “relationship” and marry without giving any thought to the long term. When the wedding is over and the housework sets in, the job takes over, the kids get messy and cranky, the dog pukes, and the in-laws interfere, the husband and wife have the right to dissolve the marriage.

Gays, all over the country, are petitioning and fighting for the same right. Perhaps they will get what they want and maybe they will have the good sense to figure the marriages they may create in the future are worth fighting for, not fighting about. We heteros seem to have lost that perspective. It is so damned easy to get bored, resent housework, feel tired, and run away to something else. But what happens to the kids?

Nearly every U.S. state has boiled divorce down to irreconcilable differences. You don’t have to have a reason to break up. You don’t have to think about the pros and cons. Just sign the papers, pay the lawyer, and walk away. Most women never recover financially. Most children never recover emotionally. But hey, if you’re bored with housework, you gotta do something, right?

Take a moment to check out my guest post at HealMyPTSD.com for PTSD and Invisible Illness Awareness Week. I was invited to do a guest column because two of my family members are dealing with PTSD. It’s really tough to cope with an illness or condition that is invisible. There are physical symptoms, but often, people chalk those up to some other cause. HealMyPTSD is a valuable website by people who have knowledge and great concern.

While we’re at it, let’s visit some of my favorite posts over the years of compiling WomenDayByDay and Ontext:

A guest post from Thistle Farm, where women work to fix the hugely challenging problems in their lives. This one is terrific.

Women who read us honor their military loved ones for Memorial Day.

Proof that Jesus was a woman, and other funny stuff.

The courts are failing to help battered women.

22 ways to earn aliving at home - work at home

Basing marriage on positive thinking

Dr. Phil and the drunken teenage girls

Half dozen good ways for women to enter the blogsphere

Light therapy for pregnant women

There. That’s a little journey through the last few years of Women Day By Day. It’s rewarding to spend time digging up great information for my readers and empowering women to manage some of the things we face everyday. I’ve really loved finding guest writers to do a post here and there this year. Let me know if you know someone with something important, funny, or entertaining to tell us. Write me — maryan at ontext.com

I found a new Internet-based background check service that has potential to save lives, or at the least to prevent some of the problems unsuspecting women encountered constantly on web-based dating services. Finding your soul mate on line is not impossible, but it can be a risky prospect if you’re all on your own. Cathy Taylor’s new product, called SweetheartChecks, offers a way for you to search public records, confidentially, easily, and quite inexpensively. To my mind, this could be an invaluable tool. I talked to Cathy about her product - see what you think.

Cathy Taylor

Can I have a little background, Cathy? Where you’re from, family, and so on.

I was born in Niagara Falls, Ontario Canada and came to California in February 1979. I married in 1985 and had one son, Christopher who is now 22. I raised him as a single mom. I have been an entrepreneur pretty much since I began working in my teens. I run SweetheartChecks as a tool to help women understand they need to be careful when dating. Running a national criminal check is a beginning but doesn

by Michelle Seitzer, SeniorsforLiving.com

I may have found my new dream job: just check the June 12 edition of the New York Times for the article titled “Dusk-to-Dawn Therapy for Dementia’s Restless Minds.” The Hebrew Home at Riverdale (in the North Bronx, NY) boasts an amazing program called ElderServe at Night, dedicated to serving those with dementia who experience challenges in the evening hours:

“Nighttime can be treacherous for people with dementia, who are often struck by sleeplessness or night terrors and prone to wandering about. This agitation and disorientation, called ’sundowning,’ is especially vexing for relatives trying to care for them at home, and often hastens their placement in nursing homes.”

Despite the high number of daycare programs for those with Alzheimer’s, ElderServe at Night, which has served residents for a decade, is likely the only program of its kind in the country.

Here’s how Elderserve at Night works

So here’s how it works: program participants are picked up from their homes at 7 p.m. and stay at the Hebrew Home until 7 a.m. While at the Hebrew Home, participants partake in anything from midnight walks to outdoor dance parties to massage and light therapy.

In 1998, Daniel Reingold, who now serves as President & CEO of The Hebrew Home, saw a need. Family caregivers he spoke with shared “horror stories” about the measures they would take to keep their loved one from wandering at night. These measures ultimately led to sleep deprivation and early facility placement. Reingold joined forces with David W. Pomeranz, the home’s associate executive director, to take typical day care programs and offer them at night.

Another highlight of the program is the emphasis on non-pharmacological interventions:

“Rather than give agitated patients mood-altering drugs, ElderServe aides might lead them by the hand into a softly lighted room, slip off their shoes and socks, and massage their feet with a warm washcloth.”

What a great program! And it’s a win-win, really: Burdened caregivers get respite from their caregiving duties, and most importantly, sleep, allowing them to better care for their loved one during the day. Those suffering from Alzheimer’s get the care and attention they need, no matter what time it is; many even flourish in this setting because the program provides companionship and meaningful activities instead of sleeping pills and alarmed doors.

Adult day care is a growing industry. My hope is that adult “evening” care will follow suit.

- Michelle Seitzer is a blogger for SeniorsforLiving.com, which provides information and resources about senior care and senior housing.

More by Michelle on senior care and housing

Actress Joan Barber

Here’s a treat! Well-known Broadway actress, dancer, director and web entrepreneur Joan Barber shares her tribulations of finding a dress for her daughter’s wedding in a delightful guest post, Where are the affordable clothes for real women? Thanks, Joan - I love keeping up with your new website 50toDeath!

Here’s the problem . . . my step-daughter (my only child) is getting married and NO ONE makes affordable clothes that I can wear. Am I being petty? I think not. It’s important to me as a 21st century woman to be perceived NOT as an “aging hipster” or a “Betty White” type or a frump but as the vital, healthy, attractive person I think I still am - a real woman!

Or . . . am I kidding myself? OK. The K-Mart arms are creeping up on me, despite the fact that I wear a size 2. So, that means no sleeveless. The cleavage that I used to display with such elan (and that got me many roles as an actress) is maybe not as firm as it once was. So, that means no low cut gowns.

The legs are definitely still good, thanks to walking on a regular basis in New York City and schlepping up and down subway stairs. But my bunions (from years of dancing) kill me when I wear high heels, and no one makes shoes that work for my high instep without cutting into my hammer toes. In ballet flats I stand a statuesque 5′1″.

And as for my cute little pancake butt . . . let’s not go there.

The event is approaching and I am slowly freaking out as I trek from high end department store to boutique to discount paradise. I give myself what I assume to be a reasonable budget (buying the bride’s wedding dress kind of emptied my piggy bank) and plenty of time to shop, but all I see are teeny tiny prom dresses (where were those hot little strapless numbers when I was in high school?) and mother-of-the-bride frocks in which I look like a cute little dumpling wrapped in a doily.

Oh, for a stylist like the stars have! I’ll never forget the episode of Project Runway where the designers cringed at the prospect that they were going to have to design for (”ugh gross”) MOTHERS of hot young babes. The blue business suit in my closet starts to look better and better. Hopefully I’ll just fade into the hydrangeas.

BUT NO . . . I may be over 50 (well, pushing 60) and I may not be an heiress, or tall and elegant, but one thing I am is a proud and strong child of the sixties, an actress, and a rebel. I will be seen. I’ve never faded from a challenge in my life!

This wedding is just like any show I’ve done in my over thirty years of performing. I can play the role of step-mother-of-the-bride. I may not have a Tony Award Winning costume designer sketching and a wardrobe department building my dress, but I can use my vision and experience, my wisdom and sense of perspective to zero in on THE DRESS.

I just have to become the character and “she” (THE DRESS) will find me.

And, like the blue Grecian goddess she is, she does find me . . . as do the comfortable, multi-colored sandals (found online). I’ll get to show off my cleavage and legs at the same time (without being too outrageous). After all, the bride is supposed to be the star of the show and believe me, she will be.

Jon Freda

Norm Golden

Take a walk over to Joan’s website 50toDeath to see some really funny video slices of life in the boomer lane. Joan and her partners, Norm Golden veteran actor in 15 major films and numerous television projects, and equally prolific actor and writer Jon Freda, have built a delightful web of baby boomer-centric video entertainment.

Women's lives are fragile, with strength

Loss and grief are part of our lives; we can’t escape them. My very good friend Mickey shares her feelings with us as another of her friends travels a painful life passage. Mickey is a briliant woman with unwavering faith. Perhaps she’s the most centered woman I know.

He is a tall drink of water, as my mother used to say. Tall and trim with a soft spoken voice, he doesn

CSI, or one of those shows, talked about rape kits last week. Their premise was that thousands, even tens of thousands of rape evidence kits languish on dusty shelves throughout the U.S. Those kits have never been processed. I was astonished, and deeply upset.

Kits unprocessed means women who have been assaulted at the most traumatic level are waiting for justice. And justice sits immobilized. If the kit isn’t processed, chances are the perpetrator has been released. No trail took place.

The victim is trying to move on, but has no closure. She went through an incredibly tragic trauma and will have to go through it all over again if the authorities ever get down to processing the evidence of a crime committed against her. Look, put yourself in the position of these victims. How devalued would you feel?

Courtney Martin

But that’s just a TV show. Right? Not. I found a real story in exactly the same vein written by Courtney E. Martin. Martin is a columnist on youth and political culture at The American Prospect Online and a blogger at Feministing. She authored Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters and is part of the Progressive Women