I am 60 years old. I lowered my blood pressure, lost significant weight and size, got a lot healthier, and feel wonderful. You can do it if you want to - without joining, spending, subscribing, or suffering at all. I have nothing to sell except solid advice and my experience.

Eight months ago, I turned 60 and had a rough time with the birthday. My blood pressure was high, even with meds. I had gained 20 pounds the prior year, and I have never been a small woman. I had become totally sedentary. I mean like c-o-u-c-h-p-o-t-a-t-o, mashed.

My excuses - I lived in southern Mississippi for a year - a place so hot and humid that it sucked the energy out of me. I went from doing water aerobics twice a day in my own Florida pool to sitting in a recliner most of the time, miserable, lonely, and unhappy. I moved us home to Illinois, despite my husband’s dislike of Midwestern weather. Then, he got cancer, had surgery, lost his job. My depression worsened, but I proclaimed I wasn’t depressed.

And I sat. I’m a writer. I’m supposed to sit. I medicated with food. Sugary food. Salty food. Even healthy food. Often.

My grown kids were having issues and I wallowed in theirs rather than fixing my own. Issues? I had whole subscriptions.

An old lady’s road to healthy success

People have always told me I look way younger than my age. Last year, people stopped saying that. More likely, they’d ask was I feeling ok, and when was the last time I had a physical?.

I’d say, “I’m 60″ and wait for the “Oh, I’d never have guessed!”

I heard - “Yep.” No surprise - I looked 60 and more.

So.

• Husband survived and recovered nicely.
• Kids moved on in their lives - we all do. Their troubles got fixed. More troubles came. They handled them. They don’t require me to manage their lives.
• Weather here does not prevent activity.

I began to get a clue. I could live long and prosper, or not.

I talked in depth with my doctor about nutrition, dieting, medicating with food. She said food can keep you alive or kill you. Your choice. Dieting is temporary and fairly useless unless you want to be a yoyo.  But food can be managed long term without deprivation torture.

Every human being needs physical activity to make bowels function, hearts beat, blood flow, and cells regenerate. It doesn’t matter, for a 60 year-old everyday woman,  whether that activity is 15 minutes or two-hours a day. If I do it regularly, enjoy it, and work up a little sweat, I’m doing myself immeasurable benefit. I don’t have to measure up to Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Oprah’s trainer, or any fitness guru. I only need to keep moving part of every day. Cool. I can do that.

But I like chocolate

I eat every food I enjoy, in normal portions. I learned I want to avoid, chemicals and poisons. I like close to nature foods. I seldom, seldom, seldom use artificial sweeteners except for a couple of hits of Truvia per week in a drink or a dessert. I drink pop once in a blue moon. I don’t add salt to anything. I avoid, but do not forbid myself sugar. I eat chocolate several times a week - almost always very dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher) and with portions controlled. An ounce, perhaps.

I had triple chocolate layer cake yesterday. I counted it in my food calculator. Worth every calorie, each bite a decadent pleasure. Over my tongue. Melting down my throat. Sweet flavor. Rich texture. I took a good wedge, gave my husband one, indulged, and gave the rest of the cake to my daughter’s family. No guilt. I don’t do guilt.

Today, I am enjoying light salads, steamed vegetables, and fresh fruit. I’m eating till I’m almost full, then I busy myself with something till I feel hungry, and do it all over.

I model my nutrition after the South Beach philosophy - their glycemic index makes sense to me - but anything that works for you is good. I am a terrific cook, and I cook Mediterranean style mostly, managing portions scrupulously.

This I know clearly -

Calories in - calories used = how much you weigh. It doesn’t matter if those calories are 100% chocolate, fat, sugar, or anti-oxidents, carbs, protein or cardboard. The math doesn’t lie. You don’t have to buy someone’s book or program to manage your health. Those things may motivate, but they are not magic.

Getting my ass off the couch

Knowing I had to get off that couch, I acknowledged the following:

1. I dislike sweating.
2. I am not cute in a leotard, nor do I feel comfortable strutting in one.
3. Pain is not my thing.

For me, the best thing is high-resistance water exercise. Advantaging a New Year’s promotion in the slumping health club industry, I joined my local club because they have three heated pools. They waived the hefty signup fee.  My life is worth the discounted $50 a month. I go three to five times a week and I work as hard in that pool as a football player in pre-season. I jog, I use dumbells, I swim, I stretch. I sweat, but who can tell when I’m in four feet of water?

• I ride a stationary bike while I watch Jeopardy, at least three times a week. It’s a 25 min workout that doesn’t bother my arthritis.
• I park my car at the back end of every parking lot.
• I store some everyday items on the second floor of my home. I go upstairs every time I need them, use them downstairs, and take them back up. I don’t send my kids or grandkids up to get anything I need.

I know this: If you increase your activity regularly and do not increase your food intake, you’ll lose weight gradually. You don’t need an exercise video. Don’t need to suffer. Just move. Sex helps, too. Good, safe, relationship sex.

Caring about yourself is a key

No matter how many resolutions I made or how much I worried about my health, nothing worked until I understood that:  I am at the last third or so of my time on Earth and I deserve to care about myself as much as I care about anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, no one else can.

I get in touch with my own needs, wants, and wishes.

• Can I babysit? You bet! I love those little kids. But I can’t do it every day, or for long hours. I can’t often do it without notice.
• Can I take a nap? Sure! And you can bet I’ll feel no guilt.
• I reserve the absolute right to say, “No”  to anything, anytime. No explanation required.
• I don’t negotiate my own truths, and I clearly know what they are.
• I love people, but not all people, and I’m not overly concerned about those who don’t like me. It’s unlikely I’ll  change greatly anymore - I have made many changes in myself over years, and I like who I am.
• Stress is natural and motivates us to accomplish. But stress must be managed and I am best at managing my own.
• I trust my health advisors and will do what they recommend as long as I understand all the ramifications.

What I learned and how it saved my life

I will never again be less than 60 and I have grown to be friends with that. I read somewhere that if you are alive in 2010, chances are you could live to well over 100 years old. A nice goal, I think.

Today, I went to see my doctor because I have an ugly, uncomfortable ear/sinus thing going on. Haven’t seen her in a year–since my last, rather distressing physical.

She said - “Wow! You look great! One of my youngest baby boomers!”

She took my blood pressure - remember, I’m sick with an infection and my BP is always higher in a doctor’s office. It was 120/78. I kid you not! Last reading was 148/90.

My weight has dropped by 20 pounds. My clothing size went down a whole size or more.

My heart rate was awesome. And last week, I had an eye exam.  That doctor said I have the organic eye-health of a 20 year-old. Last year? They saw floating protein gunk in my eyeball fluid and lectured me about diabetes risk.

Most days, I eat about 1500 calories. Maybe twice a week I am apt to go up to 2,000, and maybe once a month I’ll go all out and end up at 2500. I always use the next day to recover, reducing my food intake, increasing my non-sweet fluid intake, and being more physical.

I only sit at a computer or anywhere else for a max 90 min at a time. Then I get up - clean something, walk, run errands, or get active in some way before I go back to the sedentary activity.

I do things that make me smile or laugh - every single day. My grandkids are a big part of that, but so are friends, siblings, other family members, and online acquaintances.

I rest when I need to, thoroughly.

I meditate frequently and regularly with guided imagery tapes. They work extremely well for me.

I put all my troubles in two virtual buckets. A.) things I can fix and B.) things I can;t fix. I work through bucket (A) at a healthy once - recognizing my strengths and weaknesses. I reward myself for managing milestones from that bucket. (Rewards almost never involve food.) I let bucket (B) sit there and percolate. If it gets too full, I add another bucket. I spend a structure 15 minutes a week wallowing in worry about the contents, but I never take anything out of that bucket. The stuff will work itself into oblivion or into the other bucket when something has changed to permit me to handle an item.

I load my food program with anti-oxidents (who can resists blueberries, strawberries, great veggies?) healthy fats (oh yeah - give me those ripe avocados, premium olive oil, or well-prepared wild salmon!) I drink skim milk every day. I eat only foods that look, smell, and taste great. I fuss over our meals. We have selected several are restaurants that serve rational portions, don’t coat everything in salt, and really understand food preparation and cooking. I drink water all day long. I take an 80 gr aspirin a day and a multi-vitamin every other day because my Doc told me too.

I record everything I eat or drink almost every day. Probably five days a week - sometimes more. I do it scrupulously because lying to myself is pretty silly. I weigh myself sometimes, but not weekly and certainly not every day. I have found tracking weight monthly gives a realistic picture. Measuring myself, and paying attention to how my clothes fit and how I feel are much more meaningful than a number on a scale.

I don’t believe I will every be a slim woman. I never have been. Well, maybe once in 1967. I do believe a woman who is outside the recommended weights for her age can be healthy, happy, attractive, and can live long. I’m strong - I’ll take you on if you want me to! come on - Indian wrestle? Dance contest? Tug of war? I have good muscle tone - getting better. Great blood pressure. Healthy heart and a carotid scan showed less plaque than usual for my age. I’m happy, productive, talented, brilliant, healthy, and awesome as a friend or mentor. I love my own self.

And to think that I am practically an over night success! It only took me 60 years.

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Having serious neglected these blogs for a month, I am back on track with a question. Has marriage become a temporary condition? While California gays expending enormous effort to gain the right to be married, fighting for same sex marriage, I wonder if heterosexuals have lost the ability to understand the entire idea.

I know a young couple, married for five years. Two children - prekindergarten and toddler. An idyllic couple, really; so in love they couldn’t wait to marry. Husband has great job. Nice home. Family support and encouragement. social life. Education. They have it all.

One day, the wife decides she’s bored. She trolls Facebook for someone to relieve the boredom. Her family watches her accumulate male “friends” on the website. Her husband, secure in knowing he provides well, helps out with the kids, runs to the grocery store when required, and tells wife she’s pretty when he thinks of it, feels pretty secure. Life is good. He believes women and men can be friends without hanky panky and he trusts his wife. He sits on his couch, a lot, watching TV. He’s tired - 60 hour work week.

Later, after it all implodes, she will tell. him she made a conscious choice to hurt him. She never articulates why. Boredom?

So the wife hooks up with a boyfriend - a guy the husband befriended when they served together in Korea, and later, Iraq, bombs bursting in air. The scumbag came to visit the couple often. Lived off them for a time - he doesn’t choose to work. Bonded with the wife while the husband slept.

The couple went on a lovely vacation with the kids. NO, not the husband and wife. The wife and the boyfriend. they traveled three states, posted photos of the happy family entertaining the children. Lovely mountain venues. Stayed with the wife’s mom for a bit. And then the wife came home, packed up three small backpacks, and ran away with the kids to another state, where the scumbag resided in a rusty trailer. He’s unemployed, of course.

Refused to come home. Husband got a court order to bring home his biological son, the toddler. Wife said - ok, fine. I have one child and a boyfriend.

The marriage has now become a “case.” The children are confused, lonely and scared. They have each lost one parent, and each other. One has lost his friends, his home, his toys, his school, his clothes, too. the wife says - hey, he’ll adjust and get over it. I have my boyfriend. But no job, no money, no prospects, no place to live. She bunks in with whatever people will have her and a child for however long.

The husband and wife send unbelievably accusatory text messages to each other more often than hourly. They phone each other on prepaid cell phones and detail what action they each will take next to make the other feel like trash. They are out to annihilate each other and it’s working.

The kids? Adjusting to an extent. On the outside. They laugh sometimes. They play, and at least one of them gets plenty of hugs. No one knows where the other is, in what conditions, or with whom.

The husband and wife aren’t gay. they have always had the right to choose a partner, create a “relationship” and marry without giving any thought to the long term. When the wedding is over and the housework sets in, the job takes over, the kids get messy and cranky, the dog pukes, and the in-laws interfere, the husband and wife have the right to dissolve the marriage.

Gays, all over the country, are petitioning and fighting for the same right. Perhaps they will get what they want and maybe they will have the good sense to figure the marriages they may create in the future are worth fighting for, not fighting about. We heteros seem to have lost that perspective. It is so damned easy to get bored, resent housework, feel tired, and run away to something else. But what happens to the kids?

Nearly every U.S. state has boiled divorce down to irreconcilable differences. You don’t have to have a reason to break up. You don’t have to think about the pros and cons. Just sign the papers, pay the lawyer, and walk away. Most women never recover financially. Most children never recover emotionally. But hey, if you’re bored with housework, you gotta do something, right?

The new year - lots of people have resolved to get healthy and fit. To keep up the momentum, we all need positive re-enforcement, and women are tempted to sneak a little treat, or a big one, like ice cream, chocolate, a bag of Oreos (hey, I was really good for two weeks!)You can choose from 14 ways to reward yourself without calories or guilt.

Set personal goals to demonstrate to yourself how much progress you’re making. Each time you reach a goal, reward yourself. Here’s a list of fourteen things you can give yourself that won’t sabotage your good intentions.

1. If it has to be food, find a healthy and fit recipe for a sumptuous dessert that isn’t loaded with calories.
2. Buy yourself a new handbag or tote bag. Always a cool feeling.
3. Go to a movie with a friend who absolutely shares your taste.
4. Buy some new music, slap on headphones, and listen to the album all the way through.
5. Buy a new sweater - bright, warm, and natural fabric.
6. Get a new coffee cup that’s 100% only for you. A big one.
7. Go out and play - find a venue that provides everything you need for an afternoon of noodling around. Our community has a little ceramic shop where you buy a piece, rent a table space, and paint your chosen item. They fire it and call you a few days later when it’s done.
8. Find a set of colored pencils, paint, or chalk and create something colorful.
9. Do the proverbial bubble bath with all the accoutrements.
10. Shut off the phones, lock the door and meditate or do creative visualization in total silence.
11. Put fresh flowers on your desk or work space or table. Bury your nose in them and breathe deeply.
12. Take a day off. Don’t work. Don’t clean. Don’t make calls. Rest. Relax.
13. Spend half a day in the park, reading a wonderful book.
14. Take a nap in silky pajamas.

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The doldrums of winter - a blah time for everyone once the holidays are gone, winter has set in, and chances are the kids have colds or are whiny. You have cabin fever. TV is a vast wasteland - and you don’t give rat’s patoot about Jay Leno, O’Brien, or Daly. Here’s my recipe for an instant spa in a pretty little tin - a way to feel better:

I got a sample tin of Clear Mind Balm from my Twitter friends at Badger Balm. They had me when I read the ingredients:

Extra virgin olive oil, beeswax, essential oils of lemon, rosemary, grapefruit, cardamom, calendula, rosehip, and ginger.

The tin is a beautiful warm pink shade and the aroma is deep and inspiring. The company advises that it’s for clarity and focus. They call it portable aroma therapy and that’s what it is. I used half a tin in about a week. I kept stroking it on my writs, sniffing, and saying, “Ahhhh.” You can try  Badger Balm Headache & Clear Mind Duet Set if you’re interested.

I used it on my cuticles - a continuous problem in the winter. I dabbed it under my nose and my three-year old grandson’s when we had the sniffles together.

What about the spa part?

Assemble a nice candle. A relaxation video or CD. I used a CD called Celtic Spirit Meditations - a true journey that took me out of my living room and into the Ages. Headphones. A cup of scented tea -  Ginger Lemon Grass Tea by The Republic of Tea?

Sit in a cozy, soft chair in a warm room.

Mix all the assembled ingredients to your taste and do what you will with them. After 30 minutes or so, you’ll feel like a new woman. Do it again tomorrow. Blessings on you.

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this is a reprint of an article I did for a couple of print publications. I thought the info so important I offer it to you here. Even if we’re all about health, we may neglect our eyes, and that’s crucial to your well-being. Ask your eye doctor some considered questions and learn the best way for you to manage vision correction.

Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses. Not true. Of men surveyed by Vision Council of America (VCA), 92% said women in fashionable eyewear are attractive. Women feel the same way about men in specs.

You can choose eyeglasses or contact lenses to bring vision back near 20/20 and it’s entirely possible to cure many seeing issues once thought to be permanent. Doctors can fix cataracts and glaucoma more effectively than ever before. Though there are vision problems that can’t be cured, many can be treated or arrested if caught early. Bottom line - beautiful eyes begin with healthy eyes.

Beauty comes from within

Eye docs say great nutrition and healthy lifestyle affect eyes and regular annual checkups is the way to go.

Essentials for protecting eyes:

1. Wear UV-blocking sun glasses all the time. Encourage children to do the same.
2. Use safety glasses anytime your eyes are at risk
3. Never let an unqualified person fit you with contact lenses - see a doctor.
4. Follow doctor’s instructions with contacts or eye solutions - to the letter.
5. Tell your doctor about any change in your vision.

Permanent vision repair

Don’t want glasses or lenses? You can consider Lasik surgery, laser-assisted, out-patient procedure that can repair vision for life.

Dr. George Thurber, MD, with the Center for Eye Care, Biloxi, MS says all Lasik isn’t the same. Equipment and process have improved. Expect to pay $1600 to $2000 per eye for top-quality, most insurance won’t cover it. But that price point ensures minimal risk of halo-vision, starburst images or other imperfections, once common. With computer-aided mapping of your eye and today’s lasers, 95% of patients have zero side effects and permanent correction.

Lasik is simple for the patient, says Thurber. A few seconds per eye, after initial consulting. You focus on a small red light - lasers painlessly remove microscopic cornea layers. Men and women, in general good health, from about age 18 to 70-something, are opting for Lasik, with great results.

How eyeware can help you express yourself

Some people prefer glasses. That can be a wonderful enhancement of your looks and personality statement. Frame design follows ready-to-wear clothing trends and nothing is more stylish than strutting your own stuff. New, surprising materials are on the scene. Everyone is accessorizing, according to Susan Martonik, spokesperson for VCA.

“The coolest thing is matching frames to fashion or function - a wardrobe of multiple pairs. It’s about eclectic individual style. Make a statement that’s all you,” she says.

Martonik sees women wearing flirty feminine frames for social or dress up events, chic designer frames for business and casual glasses everyday. Men choose stronger designs for rough sports, technologically enhanced eyewear like stylish safety glasses for on-the-job needs, and reds or brighter blues and sexier greys for social occasions.

Make your frames suit your face

If they don’t suit your face, frames won’t enhance your style. You could spend hours agonizing over every frame on those racks upon racks at the store, or you could go online and prescreen basic shapes and styles, right on your own face. Googling for “virtual eyeglass try on” will net you a number of options. Try framesdirect.com/framefinder for starters. You load a photo of yourself, then swap frames.

Experts say choices are almost unlimited and new frames come out every day. There’s a growing popularity with prescription sunglasses and designer frames for shades are another way to express yourself and perk up your look.

For some people, surgery doesn’t appeal and wearing glasses isn’t right either. Contact lenses are getting better and more comfortable than ever before. Lenses come in an array of colors and there are even special effects lenses. If you have the budget, they’re out there. Treat your eyes well - you don’t get second chances.

Women, we are nurturers who often forget to nurture ourselves. Here’s a quick one-day vacation that will help your rid your life of the people and things that suck the breath out of you and clutter up your karma. Do this activity a couple of times a year and I promise you will live more happily, have more time for the things that matter, and rid your consciousness of people who drain you but add nothing to the quality of your life. Follow me.

Begin like this:

Take one full day off. No phone, email, doorbell, TV, or conversation with anyone but yourself. Sit quietly with your breakfast coffee- tea - whatever. Close your eyes. Take five full minutes to empty your mind. Open your eyes and make a list of things that are taking your time on a day-to-day or hour-by-hour basis. Next to each, jot ideas about your feelings - gut impulses. Do you generally react to these things (or people) postively or negatively. Consider your overall ipressions. We can feel negatively toward everyone or anything in our lives and sometimes. You’re looking for those things that just weigh you down all the time.

Put the list away and spend the rest of the day doing things that only benefit YOU. While you do that, talk to yourelf, honestly, all day, about things that are giving you difficulty. Listen to yourself. At day’s end, take the list back out and pick two things to modify or eliminate so that you regain time and energy they are sucking up. If it’s your significant other that comes to the surface - you will need to do some deep soul searching to discover what changes must be made to make that relationship work for you. Sometimes, you’ll need to find professional counseling to help you determine if that relationship is one you should keep, or one you’d be better off ending.

Take the two activities, things, or people you’ve identified and put them in a little box at the front of your mind. Everyday,for a few days pull each of them out and carefully consider what your next best move should be. Consider this from the point of view of helping yourself regain your time and space. Make a decision - change, eliminate, reprioritize, or put the thing out of your schedule for a while. If it’s a person, try not seeing him, or not catering to her, or being to busy to respond for a while. Once you’ve made your decision, trust your instinct. Act on the decision with strength, courage, and determination.

Let me know how it went.

This morning, VibrantNation.com posted a bit about someone’s “inner old lady” and the phrase resonated gleefully inside me. It’s a fascinating concept bouncing across women-centric sites this year and I love it. Nurturing our inner old lady seems much easier than worrying about inner child.

Here’s the deal. I’m not old, though my daughter, in particular, can’t stop making little observations about my age, the year I was born, and the two gray hairs I have. But there is a little old lady living inside me who will ultimately make an appearance. I want to spend some time nurturing her now so that when she comes out to stay, in maybe 40 years, I’ll be ready and she will be socialized.

For example. I will enjoy seeing her wear purple - possibly with orange mixed in or next to the purple. The brighter the better. Perhaps trousers with splashy flowers. I will love her gray hair.

She can speak her mind and say what she wants, but she can’t be mean and curmongeonly. I want the lines aorund her mouth to be laugh lines like my grandma’s were - not frown lines. No drool will be tolerated.

Inner old lady will not be allowed to wear chemically formulated perfumes. There is nothing less appealing than the trend of mature women dowsing themselves with designer label perfumes over dime store hairspray. It stinks and my inner old lady will not be so crass. Essential oils (NOT patchouli) are encouraged. Maybe a nice sage flower essence.

My inner old lady will be welcome to play - by herself, with my grandkids, or with anyone who is so inclined. She can laugh aloud. I’d love to see her slap her knees and get totally giddy over kites and kids on swings (ok, I admit it, I do that now).

I’ll cherish my inner old lady - in or out - but will require that she and I continue to remember what it is like to by young or inexperienced. We will never lord it over young people or require anyone to make way for us simply because we’re aging. Should anyone care to open a door for us, we’ll thank them and be grateful. We’ll offer help and wisdom where we can, but no one is obliged to take either.

She will be encouraged to oogle fine looking men, or women, perhaps pinch a butt here or there. She can feel and think like a sexy human. Wrinkles notwithstanding.

I’ll love the inner old lady-crone because she is simply another iteration of myself and I am pretty fond of me. I’ll soothe her wrinkled brow, bring her a heating pad for arthritic joints, and excuse her lapses of social graces. She has paid some dues.

I love the idea of nurturing my inner old lady. Giving her permission to age gracefully, without plastic surgery or chemical injections feels just right for me. I remember how graceful, kind, and warm my grandmother was. She looked like a grandma and felt like one. I could do worse than to end up like her.