My mother was a Marine sergeant and served at Pearl Harbor. Those of you who know my writing, or know me, know she died several years ago and was honored with a full-military funeral. Women who served are working to raise money with quilt sales and bake sales to turn a pitiful wreck of a crumbling wall into a permanent memorial at Arlington National Cemetary. These women who served in World War II are dying now, one by one.

Soon, as with all of that generation, they’ll only be memories. How sad to see the material reminders of the service go down.

Here’s the story of the women who are hoping new generations of women, and men, will pick up the slack and allow women to be remembered for their contribution. Today’s military women, as the story points out, serve in combat, while our military mothers couldn’t as much. But the generations that came before us did what they could, gladly, and as volunteers to pave the way for todays’ women to serve the way they wish to.

The msnbc article says,

“Most of them are in wheelchairs and they are ill. All of their hair is white, and I look and I think, who knows how long we’ve got left. We just want to do our best while we’re here,” said Lorraine Dieterle, 84, a World War II veteran stationed in New York as a photographer for the Coast Guard who volunteers at the memorial.”

In 1997 when the current memorial was dedicated, a 100 year-old retired soldier named Freida Mae Hardin spoke to the crowd of 40,000 onlookers. I expect she’s gone now, but what she wanted was clear. If you have any way of getting involved or of helping, please do it.

More:

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For families, war is about fear

Resources for military women and military families

The Come Children Sing Institute, a center for research and development in music learning, invites you and your little child or grandchild to participate in ongoing research on music learning. Come Children, Sing! online music classes for young children offer a developmental music program that has enamored parents, and children ages 0-5, all over the country for over four years, according to the center’s director, Mary Ellen Pinzino.

Mary Ellen told me two new research projects are in progress. The first engages grandparents with children 0-3 in the online music classes via Skype, offering distant grandparents the opportunity to interact meaningfully with the youngest grandchildren on a regular basis. The other engages parents and 3-5 year old children in online music classes with the additional dimension of a simple computer interface for the child for self-directed music learning activity.

“You can engage with your little one in Come Children, Sing! in your own home and on your own schedule, whatever your musical background,” Mary Ellen explained. “You’ll discover new ways to interact with your loved one. This is a fascinating way to become part of the exciting process of music development during the most important years for music learning.”

Picture this, you and your little one can sing along, move along, play along, and go along with Come Children, Sing! No need to be a super star, but you’ll feel like one when your kids see how much fun the time can bring. MP3 files, music activities and parent/grandparent tips are all provided online.

Come Children, Sing! online music classes deliver one new lesson each week for 10 weeks. Participating parents or grandparents are expected to engage with their loved one in weekly lessons for at least 10 minutes weekly for 10 weeks, with 14 weeks to complete the 10 lessons. $40 gift certificates for continuing online music classes will be provided. Three years of quality music instruction for little children are now available online at Come Children, Sing! You can view sample lessons and listen to the free audio presentation, “Parenting Music,” which will introduce you to your little one’s musical brilliance.

To participate in either study, you only have to send an email to ccs.online@comechildrensing.com. Include your name, which study you would like to participate in, the age of the child, and mention that you read about the studies at WomenDaybyDay.com.

What a midwife does, how she learned to do it, and why are topics most women probably find intriguing. I just finished reading a review copy of Beacon Press’ The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife’s Memoir by
Patricia Harman. It’s her first book, and readers will be immediately drawn in by her warm, personal voice.

I was fascinated to see that this non-fiction memoir was every bit as entertaining and poignant as the novel I loved a few years ago called THE MIDWIFE. Harman’s book is, of course, set in fairly contemporary time – her career began in the American hippy communes of the 1960s and 1970s.

As a baby boomer, I identified with that era and with her journey to now – when she is past middle age, still working hard to keep the financial end of her business on track, and torn between desires to retire and get out of the stress of owning a business and her love of serving her women patients. If you pick up this book, you’ll keep reading, because it’s much like listening to a friend tell her story over a cup of coffee.

Occasionally, Harman’s writing style gets in her own way. She flips, often in a single paragraph, from present to past tense and back. Sometimes it happens within a single sentence, and though an artful device if used carefully, it can, and does become confusing enough to pull the reader out of the story and into critique mode. Still, if you can pass by that flaw, you probably zip through the book in a few days and be glad you read it.

There are many, many memoirs from midwives. The subject lends itself to story telling. What can be more dramatic that a pregnancy – even a normal one? And if you add risk, bad partners, daughters in trouble, and women who can’t quite make the step from child to mother, the drama grows. This book has all those elements and is unique in its own ways.

Harman and her husband practiced together for many years, and she tells her story honestly. The  reader sees into the reality of being a medical provider – insurance issues, business management getting in the way of patient care, and personalities interacting on the job. But through it all are the stories of women. A cancer patient – one you don’t quite expect. A teen who keeps trusting her drug-addicted boyfriend until her life unravels in tragedy. A woman who wants help with a problem that many practitioners would refuse to get involved in.

This is a good, light read. It flows through a dozen or so lives, including Harman’s, with surprises along the way. It provokes a variety of emotions in the reader and delivers the promise every memoir should make. The Blue Cotton Gown tells one midwife’s story in a way that make her readers empathize, sympathize, and wish they might have gone down that path.

Read more:

Will gays value marriage more than heteros do?

More book reviews at OnText

I am 60 years old. I lowered my blood pressure, lost significant weight and size, got a lot healthier, and feel wonderful. You can do it if you want to - without joining, spending, subscribing, or suffering at all. I have nothing to sell except solid advice and my experience.

Eight months ago, I turned 60 and had a rough time with the birthday. My blood pressure was high, even with meds. I had gained 20 pounds the prior year, and I have never been a small woman. I had become totally sedentary. I mean like c-o-u-c-h-p-o-t-a-t-o, mashed.

My excuses - I lived in southern Mississippi for a year - a place so hot and humid that it sucked the energy out of me. I went from doing water aerobics twice a day in my own Florida pool to sitting in a recliner most of the time, miserable, lonely, and unhappy. I moved us home to Illinois, despite my husband’s dislike of Midwestern weather. Then, he got cancer, had surgery, lost his job. My depression worsened, but I proclaimed I wasn’t depressed.

And I sat. I’m a writer. I’m supposed to sit. I medicated with food. Sugary food. Salty food. Even healthy food. Often.

My grown kids were having issues and I wallowed in theirs rather than fixing my own. Issues? I had whole subscriptions.

An old lady’s road to healthy success

People have always told me I look way younger than my age. Last year, people stopped saying that. More likely, they’d ask was I feeling ok, and when was the last time I had a physical?.

I’d say, “I’m 60″ and wait for the “Oh, I’d never have guessed!”

I heard - “Yep.” No surprise - I looked 60 and more.

So.

• Husband survived and recovered nicely.
• Kids moved on in their lives - we all do. Their troubles got fixed. More troubles came. They handled them. They don’t require me to manage their lives.
• Weather here does not prevent activity.

I began to get a clue. I could live long and prosper, or not.

I talked in depth with my doctor about nutrition, dieting, medicating with food. She said food can keep you alive or kill you. Your choice. Dieting is temporary and fairly useless unless you want to be a yoyo.  But food can be managed long term without deprivation torture.

Every human being needs physical activity to make bowels function, hearts beat, blood flow, and cells regenerate. It doesn’t matter, for a 60 year-old everyday woman,  whether that activity is 15 minutes or two-hours a day. If I do it regularly, enjoy it, and work up a little sweat, I’m doing myself immeasurable benefit. I don’t have to measure up to Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Oprah’s trainer, or any fitness guru. I only need to keep moving part of every day. Cool. I can do that.

But I like chocolate

I eat every food I enjoy, in normal portions. I learned I want to avoid, chemicals and poisons. I like close to nature foods. I seldom, seldom, seldom use artificial sweeteners except for a couple of hits of Truvia per week in a drink or a dessert. I drink pop once in a blue moon. I don’t add salt to anything. I avoid, but do not forbid myself sugar. I eat chocolate several times a week - almost always very dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher) and with portions controlled. An ounce, perhaps.

I had triple chocolate layer cake yesterday. I counted it in my food calculator. Worth every calorie, each bite a decadent pleasure. Over my tongue. Melting down my throat. Sweet flavor. Rich texture. I took a good wedge, gave my husband one, indulged, and gave the rest of the cake to my daughter’s family. No guilt. I don’t do guilt.

Today, I am enjoying light salads, steamed vegetables, and fresh fruit. I’m eating till I’m almost full, then I busy myself with something till I feel hungry, and do it all over.

I model my nutrition after the South Beach philosophy - their glycemic index makes sense to me - but anything that works for you is good. I am a terrific cook, and I cook Mediterranean style mostly, managing portions scrupulously.

This I know clearly -

Calories in - calories used = how much you weigh. It doesn’t matter if those calories are 100% chocolate, fat, sugar, or anti-oxidents, carbs, protein or cardboard. The math doesn’t lie. You don’t have to buy someone’s book or program to manage your health. Those things may motivate, but they are not magic.

Getting my ass off the couch

Knowing I had to get off that couch, I acknowledged the following:

1. I dislike sweating.
2. I am not cute in a leotard, nor do I feel comfortable strutting in one.
3. Pain is not my thing.

For me, the best thing is high-resistance water exercise. Advantaging a New Year’s promotion in the slumping health club industry, I joined my local club because they have three heated pools. They waived the hefty signup fee.  My life is worth the discounted $50 a month. I go three to five times a week and I work as hard in that pool as a football player in pre-season. I jog, I use dumbells, I swim, I stretch. I sweat, but who can tell when I’m in four feet of water?

• I ride a stationary bike while I watch Jeopardy, at least three times a week. It’s a 25 min workout that doesn’t bother my arthritis.
• I park my car at the back end of every parking lot.
• I store some everyday items on the second floor of my home. I go upstairs every time I need them, use them downstairs, and take them back up. I don’t send my kids or grandkids up to get anything I need.

I know this: If you increase your activity regularly and do not increase your food intake, you’ll lose weight gradually. You don’t need an exercise video. Don’t need to suffer. Just move. Sex helps, too. Good, safe, relationship sex.

Caring about yourself is a key

No matter how many resolutions I made or how much I worried about my health, nothing worked until I understood that:  I am at the last third or so of my time on Earth and I deserve to care about myself as much as I care about anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of anyone else. If I don’t take care of me, no one else can.

I get in touch with my own needs, wants, and wishes.

• Can I babysit? You bet! I love those little kids. But I can’t do it every day, or for long hours. I can’t often do it without notice.
• Can I take a nap? Sure! And you can bet I’ll feel no guilt.
• I reserve the absolute right to say, “No”  to anything, anytime. No explanation required.
• I don’t negotiate my own truths, and I clearly know what they are.
• I love people, but not all people, and I’m not overly concerned about those who don’t like me. It’s unlikely I’ll  change greatly anymore - I have made many changes in myself over years, and I like who I am.
• Stress is natural and motivates us to accomplish. But stress must be managed and I am best at managing my own.
• I trust my health advisors and will do what they recommend as long as I understand all the ramifications.

What I learned and how it saved my life

I will never again be less than 60 and I have grown to be friends with that. I read somewhere that if you are alive in 2010, chances are you could live to well over 100 years old. A nice goal, I think.

Today, I went to see my doctor because I have an ugly, uncomfortable ear/sinus thing going on. Haven’t seen her in a year–since my last, rather distressing physical.

She said - “Wow! You look great! One of my youngest baby boomers!”

She took my blood pressure - remember, I’m sick with an infection and my BP is always higher in a doctor’s office. It was 120/78. I kid you not! Last reading was 148/90.

My weight has dropped by 20 pounds. My clothing size went down a whole size or more.

My heart rate was awesome. And last week, I had an eye exam.  That doctor said I have the organic eye-health of a 20 year-old. Last year? They saw floating protein gunk in my eyeball fluid and lectured me about diabetes risk.

Most days, I eat about 1500 calories. Maybe twice a week I am apt to go up to 2,000, and maybe once a month I’ll go all out and end up at 2500. I always use the next day to recover, reducing my food intake, increasing my non-sweet fluid intake, and being more physical.

I only sit at a computer or anywhere else for a max 90 min at a time. Then I get up - clean something, walk, run errands, or get active in some way before I go back to the sedentary activity.

I do things that make me smile or laugh - every single day. My grandkids are a big part of that, but so are friends, siblings, other family members, and online acquaintances.

I rest when I need to, thoroughly.

I meditate frequently and regularly with guided imagery tapes. They work extremely well for me.

I put all my troubles in two virtual buckets. A.) things I can fix and B.) things I can;t fix. I work through bucket (A) at a healthy once - recognizing my strengths and weaknesses. I reward myself for managing milestones from that bucket. (Rewards almost never involve food.) I let bucket (B) sit there and percolate. If it gets too full, I add another bucket. I spend a structure 15 minutes a week wallowing in worry about the contents, but I never take anything out of that bucket. The stuff will work itself into oblivion or into the other bucket when something has changed to permit me to handle an item.

I load my food program with anti-oxidents (who can resists blueberries, strawberries, great veggies?) healthy fats (oh yeah - give me those ripe avocados, premium olive oil, or well-prepared wild salmon!) I drink skim milk every day. I eat only foods that look, smell, and taste great. I fuss over our meals. We have selected several are restaurants that serve rational portions, don’t coat everything in salt, and really understand food preparation and cooking. I drink water all day long. I take an 80 gr aspirin a day and a multi-vitamin every other day because my Doc told me too.

I record everything I eat or drink almost every day. Probably five days a week - sometimes more. I do it scrupulously because lying to myself is pretty silly. I weigh myself sometimes, but not weekly and certainly not every day. I have found tracking weight monthly gives a realistic picture. Measuring myself, and paying attention to how my clothes fit and how I feel are much more meaningful than a number on a scale.

I don’t believe I will every be a slim woman. I never have been. Well, maybe once in 1967. I do believe a woman who is outside the recommended weights for her age can be healthy, happy, attractive, and can live long. I’m strong - I’ll take you on if you want me to! come on - Indian wrestle? Dance contest? Tug of war? I have good muscle tone - getting better. Great blood pressure. Healthy heart and a carotid scan showed less plaque than usual for my age. I’m happy, productive, talented, brilliant, healthy, and awesome as a friend or mentor. I love my own self.

And to think that I am practically an over night success! It only took me 60 years.

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Having serious neglected these blogs for a month, I am back on track with a question. Has marriage become a temporary condition? While California gays expending enormous effort to gain the right to be married, fighting for same sex marriage, I wonder if heterosexuals have lost the ability to understand the entire idea.

I know a young couple, married for five years. Two children - prekindergarten and toddler. An idyllic couple, really; so in love they couldn’t wait to marry. Husband has great job. Nice home. Family support and encouragement. social life. Education. They have it all.

One day, the wife decides she’s bored. She trolls Facebook for someone to relieve the boredom. Her family watches her accumulate male “friends” on the website. Her husband, secure in knowing he provides well, helps out with the kids, runs to the grocery store when required, and tells wife she’s pretty when he thinks of it, feels pretty secure. Life is good. He believes women and men can be friends without hanky panky and he trusts his wife. He sits on his couch, a lot, watching TV. He’s tired - 60 hour work week.

Later, after it all implodes, she will tell. him she made a conscious choice to hurt him. She never articulates why. Boredom?

So the wife hooks up with a boyfriend - a guy the husband befriended when they served together in Korea, and later, Iraq, bombs bursting in air. The scumbag came to visit the couple often. Lived off them for a time - he doesn’t choose to work. Bonded with the wife while the husband slept.

The couple went on a lovely vacation with the kids. NO, not the husband and wife. The wife and the boyfriend. they traveled three states, posted photos of the happy family entertaining the children. Lovely mountain venues. Stayed with the wife’s mom for a bit. And then the wife came home, packed up three small backpacks, and ran away with the kids to another state, where the scumbag resided in a rusty trailer. He’s unemployed, of course.

Refused to come home. Husband got a court order to bring home his biological son, the toddler. Wife said - ok, fine. I have one child and a boyfriend.

The marriage has now become a “case.” The children are confused, lonely and scared. They have each lost one parent, and each other. One has lost his friends, his home, his toys, his school, his clothes, too. the wife says - hey, he’ll adjust and get over it. I have my boyfriend. But no job, no money, no prospects, no place to live. She bunks in with whatever people will have her and a child for however long.

The husband and wife send unbelievably accusatory text messages to each other more often than hourly. They phone each other on prepaid cell phones and detail what action they each will take next to make the other feel like trash. They are out to annihilate each other and it’s working.

The kids? Adjusting to an extent. On the outside. They laugh sometimes. They play, and at least one of them gets plenty of hugs. No one knows where the other is, in what conditions, or with whom.

The husband and wife aren’t gay. they have always had the right to choose a partner, create a “relationship” and marry without giving any thought to the long term. When the wedding is over and the housework sets in, the job takes over, the kids get messy and cranky, the dog pukes, and the in-laws interfere, the husband and wife have the right to dissolve the marriage.

Gays, all over the country, are petitioning and fighting for the same right. Perhaps they will get what they want and maybe they will have the good sense to figure the marriages they may create in the future are worth fighting for, not fighting about. We heteros seem to have lost that perspective. It is so damned easy to get bored, resent housework, feel tired, and run away to something else. But what happens to the kids?

Nearly every U.S. state has boiled divorce down to irreconcilable differences. You don’t have to have a reason to break up. You don’t have to think about the pros and cons. Just sign the papers, pay the lawyer, and walk away. Most women never recover financially. Most children never recover emotionally. But hey, if you’re bored with housework, you gotta do something, right?

Slow down your holiday hysteria and gather around the flat screen with your family for some delightful Television programming. The Discovery Channel has new dinosaur programming that starts December 6 at 8 pm Eastern.

Dinosaurs fascinate all of us and it’s been some time since there was anything new about the dinosaurs either on pay TV or broadcast. I just previewed a four-part series from Discovery Channel which is worth seeing– Clash of the Dinosaurs.

Pop some corn or order up a pizza -

This is a family event. I tested the shows on a three year old boy, a three year old girl, and a four year old boy-genius.

All three of them were spell-bound. They didn’t flinch at the dinosaur eating another dinosaur themes, they just wanted to know if dinosaurs eat people. I answered unqualifiedly that that had never happened and never would. We had a nice discussion of when dinos lived, why they aren’t here any more and if they cause bad dreams (they did not, for us).

I also shared Clash of the Dinosaurs with a group of teens and other adults, and they loved it. Here’s why - the animation and special effects are nicely updated and positively thrilling. There’s quite a bit of repetition - scenes do double and triple duty in the programs, but the production must have been expensive and they wanted their money’s worth. Overlook that, and you’ll enjoy seeing the physiology of dinosaurs.

What’s different here is the biological information - you’ll see musculature, bones in action, how tissue is distributed through those huge bodies. There’s lots about reproduction, how eggs survive, and all about daily life of the animals.

Meeting Ankylosaurus — an herbivore specifically designed as a killing machine — was thrilling. He’s 30 feet long, has three layers of armor, and eyelids made of bone. Don’t even think you or your kids know all there is to know about dinosaurs! We learned a lot and had a terrific time. Highly recommended.

The series: Four parts - two per night on Sunday, Dec 6 and Sunday Dec 13 at 8 pm. 7 Central, of course.

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Where to donate your old computer hardware

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If Cyber Monday was an indication, electronic gifts are huge for this year’s holiday gift lists. Before you buy more computer hardware, computer peripherals, and computer toys, go through what you have and donate it. It’s the green living thing to do. Most comm,unities do not allow you to put computer hardware out with the trash. iolo.com gave me terrific solutions!

Why donate computer stuff?

Donate a computer to a school, church, or non-profit and your accountant may be able to deduct the value from your taxes. The government (U.S.) has incentives for computer donations. Folks at iolo technologies remind you to consider the value of installed software when you estimate the value of your computer.

There’s still a divide in the U.S. between computer-haves and -have nots. Some kids, indeed, some school districts are hard pressed to provide even basic equipment. That isn’t to say they will put antiquated hardware into use. Recipients of your gift may turn oldest equipment over for cash to enhance their programs.

The environment benefits every time we choose to recycle or reuse instead of pitching something into a landfill. We all know computer stuff is dangerous to throw away and will never degrade. I saw an old monitor laying in a roadside ditch out in the country the other day. I’d like to get my hands on the “donor” of that one.

Who to donate the computers to

• If the equipment is less than 3 years old, you can give it directly to an organization since extensive upgrading may not be necessary.
• Three to 5 year-old computers should go to a refurbishing center that can repair and upgrade computers, making them useable.  TechSoup’s searchable list of refurbishing centers is a good resource.
• Computer older than 5 years? Recycle it through TechSoup’s searchable list of recycling centers. (Goodwill and the Salvation Army no longer accept donated computers.)

Call the organization before you take your stuff over to them.

iolo technologies smart tips for computer donations

• Keep the operating system intact - the organization won’t have to spend valuable funds to purchase and license a new operating system.*
• Keep any software installed. This may increase the amount your tax deduction, and help the recipient of your PC - older computers often work best with older software.
• Where possible, include the peripherals and accessories, such as the mouse and keyboard, and include any manuals and CDs that came with the computer.

Last details when donating

It’s critically important that you remove your personal and sensitive data from the computer before you turn it over to anyone else. Reformatting the drive or erasing the data does NOT remove your info. Any novice can recover it unless you dowhat’s called a “wipe” with software like DriveScrubber.

Think outside the computer box and consider donating printers, speakers, storage units, or any other computer accessories you aren’t using. Then go get your new stuff for the holidays and enjoy!

Keep a record of your donations, including original receipts if you have them. Ask the organization you choose for a donation receipt.

iolo is a PC tuneup company, makers of System Mechanic software. They care about our environment. Visit their site for great tips, reviews, and information.

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