Women support each other through life's dance

How about some worthwhile tips on how to journey forward when it seems likely that Mom or Dad are going to need extra help and supervision? Women are facing strong challenges as we care for ourselves, our children and our parents. Today’s post is a valuable column from Seniors for Living. (photo by
Katiya Rhode-Singh via Flickr)

When Mom or Dad Need Help at Home

By Michelle Seitzer, SeniorsforLiving.com

I have already learned from my own family’s experiences that the adult daughter of elderly parents is the point person for all things “Mom/Dad.” The daughter tends to notice the sink full of dishes every time she visits. If she is not tied to a 9-5 schedule, she may be the one that siblings rely on for transport to doctor’s appointments. Her phone rings when Mom wants to share her concerns about Dad’s forgetfulness. When help is needed, it’s often the daughter who steps up and into the role of caregiver, care manager, power of attorney, chauffeur, personal shopper - and the list goes on.

Today’s baby boomer women have a lot on their plates already, whether they are caring for grandchildren or balancing a career and a family. Fewer are enjoying an empty nest as college graduates find it harder to acquire gainful employment. And, in today’s challenging economic climate, many women have become the breadwinner in the household. We all know the saying - “Man may work from sun to sun. But woman’s work is never done” - and it couldn’t be more appropriate here.

If you have noticed that Mom/Dad don’t seem to be managing their home or surroundings as well as they used to, seek to ensure their safety and maintain their independence for as long as possible before rushing into facility-based care. Maybe Mom would benefit from home health care services to keep her diabetes under control, or Dad is lonely and needs companion care. Perhaps Mom’s dementia is really taking a toll on Dad - look into respite care. Remember that sink full of dishes? Hire a friend or professional to do some light housekeeping. If they need socialization, find out where senior centers and adult day care providers are located (many of these facilities also provide meals).

In terms of Alzheimer’s or memory loss, be vigilant. Often, if a spouse suspects dementia, she might not share her concerns with her children and “cover” for her partner. If this “covering” goes on too long, caregiver burnout can occur - so, in this case, keep an eye on both of them.

Geriatric care managers can help you navigate the wide world of senior services; a care/case manager at your local county organization that provides services for seniors (sometimes called the area agency on aging or state unit on aging) can also point you in the right direction. A wealth of resources is at your fingertips online, too. (Explore senior housing and senior care at SeniorsforLiving.com.)

Whatever you decide, it is important to immediately address any concerns you may have, and you must include your parent(s) in the discussion. Open, honest communication will ensure that you are seeking to respect and preserve your parent’s independence, rather than taking it away. By maintaining their safety, you assure your own peace of mind, especially if you are only visiting once in awhile.

There is a bit of role reversal that occurs when Mom and Dad need help, but don’t take complete charge unless or until cognitive impairments have hindered their decision-making ability - even if you’re not living under their roof, they are still your parents.

It is in our best interest to beware of Internet dangers like the so-called Craigslist killer. This is an important post today - I want to encourage women to think seriously about how you use the Internet. In Boston this week, authorities are tracking a serial killer who allegedly used Craigslist to choose some victims.

Craigslist is a long-established free classified ad site used to buy and sell household goods, find local jobs and hook up with people in real time - a process fraught with danger. For years, the site has been a boon to people like freelance writers.

But there’s one problem at Craigslist - they have an erotic meetup section where just about anything goes, and it has gone out of control. The Sheriff of Chicago’s Cook County jurisdiction has filed a suit against Craigslist because he says they don’t monitor ads closely enough. More than one case of child endangerment, child solicitation and child prostitution has alledgedly been traced to Craigslist ads.

I have written three columns on my Chicago Examiner pages about this growing concern. I’d like you to please read them and re-evaluate your own Internet conduct and that of people you love. You might be doing everything exactly right, but please just make sure.

Craigslist killer preys where writers seek work

Killer hunt is yet another reason to avoid Craigslist sex ads

Sheriff and Dr Phil angry over Craigslist erotic ads

Take care.

If you found this useful, here are some other articles you might enjoy.

Michelle Obama - graceful first lady

Economy crash can’t stop baby boomer women

Why men are not like women

It isn’t tough for me to say I admire Michelle Obama - even before she was first lady I thought the woman’s obvious class, intelligence and power were admirable. I’m delighted by Michelle Obama’s personality and capable elan. Ms. Obama is an awesome mother - a role model. We’re fortunate to have her in Washington and projecting our image around the world.

Someone challeneged me the other day saying, didn’t I think she and her huband Barrack fall short of the American royalty image portrayed by the Kennedys and Camelot (!)? And don’t I agree that Michelle can’t hold a candle to Princess Diana’s class and gentility?

For the love of God, or whatever higher power, no — I categorically do not think Michelle Obama falls short. What I see is she isn’t full of herself, or more concerned about appearances than about the real issues facing women and families here. Or anywhere.

She is gracious and caring. You can see it from a mile away. She doesn’t sleep around (or at the very least, not in front of the world…). Her husband isn’t a philanderer. Their family isn’t connected to organizaed crime or to questionable money. they haven’t dropped nayone off a bridge yet. Nor do they show the world distain for each other or for their marriage.

I am so weary of whiners who can’t see the postivies in anything…

There’s a good read in Forbes, called to my attention by the Women’s Media Center. The article is Power Woman: First Lady Politics. Have a read and pay attention to some of the details if you feel like America has any reason to be concerned about our First Lady.

What is your opinion of Michelle Obama? How do you think she’s representing us as a nation of people, families and parents? Does she help empower women?

Here’s another terrific resource I came upon for women. LifeJournal software by Ruth Folit of Florida. I say, for women, because the creator of the software is a woman, most people who keep a journal are women, and I’m a woman. Men can use it, I suppose, if they don’t make messes.

If you want to know how the software works and so forth, I’ve written the skinny on that at Examiner.com.

I like the inspiring story behind her business. Ruth Folit saw a product niche and filled it. End result, she built a business that she runs from home and that provides her a nice revenue stream.

Ruth didn’t go looking for big money to back her, and she certainly didn’t spam the entire free world as a marketing ploy. Ruth took a personal pleasure, journaling, analyzed how to make it better, and developed a plan.

She didn’t fear failure. She didn’t hesitate to study her marketplace and make an informed decision. I like talking to Ruth - I get a sense of her energy. She found her personal way of succeeding and has replicated that time and again.

Ruth banded with other women - writers who help her create her online seminars and webinars, designers, mentors and got to work. Ok, I’ll concede that it wasn’t all women in her journey from idea to success. But she works well with women and values the special sorts of input our experience and our gender bring.

If you like to journal, or you’re a writer, I recommend LifeJournal, which comes in several versions. It’s simple to use, very robust in features and extraordinarily affordable. If you aren’t a writer, don’t click away yet - take a look at LifeJournal for Christians. Or the version for people in recovery programs.

Browse Ruth’s website and see how she’s growing into a mentor for women - to help empower women in self-discovery. that’s what we’re all about and I’m totally pleased that I met Ruth. We could do worse than to model on her journey.

Real quick pointer for you today. Travel writer Donna Hull has a really terrific blog called My Itchy Travel Feet. The exotic images are truly the stuff dreams are made of. The writing is clear, readable, professional quality and engaging. The site is a good place to take a cup of coffe or a latte and just sink in for a moment or two every day.

The header photograph is Donna’s (I’m assuming here…) bare foot against a beautiful image of Australia. I just want to get into that image and chat with her on the ship’s deck.

I feel like I’m going along with her as she explores the world. It’s almost like a meditation, and not only that, I learn a lot, for instance, a current post talks about a cruise gone awry and what passengers might do about it.

Donna says in her header that her target audience is baby boomers. I like that - the fact that she sees the world from my generation’s perspective - and lord, she’s been everywhere, I guess. But no matter your age, you’ll get good travel info, interesting perspectives and nice interludes here. Go take a look and tell me what you think of the site. Want to go traveling together?

Read Maryan at Chicago Examiner Home Technology