Men should never take phone messages, or consult with physicians or be given any document to file. See below.
I almost never open jokes forwarded to me. I don’t have time and they are often not funny. This one is an exception. I received it from a best friend, and have no idea where to give credit for the original. I laughed my ass off. Happy break from holiday stuff.
this is my darkest Christmas story - and one that should never be forgotten. The rapes that took place happened to someone I love deeply. She is recovering - but will never be the same.
Consider how you’d survive two rapes — by your job supervisors. A 17 year-old, Katherine, is recovering from that trauma. She was on duty with the U.S. Navy, a stellar service member. Her assailants outranked her. Getting help and justice took more than a year of intense tenacity.
Katherine entered the U.S. Navy two days after high school graduation. Eager and excited about serving her country, she knew she could become an officer and make a difference. She was ready to endure anything to make the grade. The military is a man’s world, but she had the right stuff. Focused. eager to succeed. It was the career she longed for since the fifth grade.
This recruit didn’t look to the military because she couldn’t do anything else. A major pharmaceutical company had awarded her a full-boat, 4-year college scholarship that she turned down. Katherine stood out as an achiever at boot camp. In “A” school, she chose a career path that wasn’t a top choice for women. Wanting to work with aircraft and maybe someday work with the Blue Angels, she became a technician. Excellent school record. Outstanding participation. She snagged a choice assignment for her first duty station, and off she went.
On base, as a rookie, she worked well with peers and superiors, taking teasing in stride. Everyone liked her. No problems. No complaints from her or about her. She volunteered for activities and extra duty and began putting together her officer qualification package.
Social life was good. There were parties, group activities, a nice relationship developing with a new boyfriend. Life was good. The Navy would be her career — and a great choice, she thought.
On Christmas Eve, the nightmare began. Big party. Lots of people drinking. Katherine, too young to drink and too busy to want a hangover, was designated driver. Her boyfriend was away on temporary duty. Late in the evening, Katherine noticed a friend of hers, in fact, her boyfriend’s roommate, getting pretty drunk.
She poured him into her car, laughing at his antics, and drove him home. Half dragging, half pushing him into his apartment, she dumped him into his bed - leaving him in street clothes. Tired, she left the roommate to sleep it off, and decided to crash in her boyfriend’s empty bedoom.
Startled, Katherine jerked awake sometime later to find the roommate on top of her, in the act of sexual penetration. She struggled, yelled, “STOP IT.” Tried to push him off, but failed.
After three days of terrified crying Katherine decided she had to tell someone. She went to the Master Chief and told her story. He was nice, she recalls. Pleasant. His message was clear. She had waited several days to step forward, he told her. It would simply be a he-said, she-said. Her word against the attacker’s word. The perpetrator, by the way, outranked her in a supervisory capacity in her assigned work unit.
Master Chief talked on. If Katherine made a big deal about this, without proof or witnesses, the whole team would suffer. Everyone would look bad. Did she want to do that?
A 17 year-old child who had never been away from her supportive family before, she felt she was expected to be grown up. Strong. Katherine was a sailor and wanted to be an officer. Master Chief made it clear she could end up with a black mark on her record. But he was nice about it. Katherine dropped the issue and went back to work.
It wasn’t easy. She watched her back. Got icy stares from her attacker and his friends. Word had gotten around that she ratted him out. He told everyone she had “wanted” him all night long. Katherine tried to heal with support from her family, far away. The Navy offered her nothing - not counseling, not understanding, not medical help.
Her nightmare was far from over.
Katherine was being sent on temporary duty with her team, in an island paradise. She looked forward to the distraction, but it wouldn’t be long before paradise became hell. A week after arriving at the new station, a group of sailors, including Katherine and 40 year-old supervisor Petty Officer Martino, went off-base for a weekend. They booked several hotel rooms as a group, though they had been told to sleep on base.
Martino, a known rule-breaker, had a reputation of coming on strong to young women, and was usually rebuffed. He was married and had children. Witnesses said he bragged he’d “get it on” with Katherine. The man was middle aged, overweight, with a bad complexion. Why would a teenager want him? Later, the prosecutor in court martial would ask the court to ponder that question.
Katherine was feeling guilty about breaking rules. With her guy away, she wasn’t party-minded anyway, so she returned to the room she shared with two girls.
Martino entered her room with a key he later said someone gave him. For the second time in half a year, Katherine woke to a man raping her. She struggled, slapped, hit, kicked. She shrieked, shoving the large man off.
Still screaming, she flung the door open and ran, pounding on doors, finally latching onto a female co-worker. Clinging, Katherine gasped out, “I need the police and a doctor.”
Katherine made civilian and military police reports and was taken to the hospital, where she was met by a male Senior Chief. She had a rape exam and was questioned. Oddly, Martino never claimed consent - he said he thought she wanted him.
The main base commander ordered everyone back to home base. He gave Katherine the phone number of a SAVI counselor (Sexual Assault Victim Intervention). SAVI advocates for survivors of sex crimes. They can even accompany a survivor to meetings or appearances she feels uncomfortable about. SAVI workers are supposed to make sure survivors get services. Sometimes months pass before SAVI is available. Sometimes, they don’t do their job at all. Sometimes, the base doesn’t even have one.
There was little intervention or help in this case. Katherine told her family, weeks later, that she hadn’t seen a local doctor. She couldn’t get off work. No mental health intervention for the same reason, and she worked with Martino every day. Once, she hid under the dashboard of her car because the sight of him frightened her half to death. Male co-workers shunned her. Gossip was rampant.
Katherine found support from her family when the Navy left her adrift. Her mother made phone calls and wrote letters. She did research on sexual assault. Slowly, Katherine got some services, but never got everything a rape victim should have, including care for post-traumatic stress. Other military women report similar situations — some even worse.
It took two years of wrangling with the Department of the Navy, SAVI, and other players to resolve the case. Katherine has permanent emotional distress, anxiety and trust issues. Through her courage in testifying for 8 hours, her assailant was convicted, demoted, dishonorably discharged and put in prison. The prosecutor said he had, personally, not seen another conviction in 20 years.
Katherine secured a medical disability discharge but was subjected to hostility, ridicule, and accusations on many levels as she fought, refusing to yield. Typically, survivors in the military face this sort of thing. Though the military code is, “never leave a fallen comrade…” — the male-dominated military doesn’t see a psychologically injured woman as fallen, or as a comrade.
Read and study military policies on sexual crimes. If you are raped or attacked, make a lot of noise, report to authorities (civilian and military police), seek medical attention, document every step in writing. Don’t give in to pressure. Seek legal help.
Pursue medical and mental health assistance. Testify against your attacker. If a man rapes, he will rape again. Victims of rape, whether military or not, for some reason have a statistically huge chance of being raped again. Persevere. Know it wasn’t your fault and you will recover with time.
Rod Blagojevich is the governor of Illinois and he should not be governor of anyone or anything. Anybody dumb enough to flaunt his lack of ethics and morals without any attempt to skulk around in the dark like other politicians is too stupid to be in the gene pool let alone in the governor’s mansion.
My first issue with Blagojevich was that he looks so much like Alfred E. Newman that I’m pretty sure he is Newman’s lovechild. Attempting to sell Barack Obama’s seat in the senate is perhaps the most assinine and blatantly immoral act I can remember in Illinois politics, and believe me, I’ve seen a lot as a journalist in this state.
MY take on all this crap — no state should be allowed any more to appoint someone to fill a senatorial or congressional vacancy. Every single state now needs to change their laws to require a special election. Alaska’s last governor mucked with the ability to appoint a senator and put his bimbo daughter in the seat. Blagojevich has tried to clear his personal debts by selling the seat, for the love of God! Enough.
Blago needs to put his tail between his legs, slink off into the night, with his yucky wife beside him, and find another way to hoodwink people. He prides himself on being the son of immigrants - his parents must just be so embarrassed. Get out of our government, Blago.
Save some money, put away a few bucks for next year’s economic crisis. Tighten your holiday entertainment belt without losing any of the fun. A lot of the ideas are green party ideas, too.
Let me know how this all works out for you!
I like female writers. If I go to the library and find two good books - one by a male author and one by a female - I’ll take the woman writer’s book. I feel, down deep, that the woman will write from a point-of-view I can understand better. I’m not always correct. Now, in the blogosphere, it’s pretty darned easy to find excellent blogs by women. Just drop on by at blogher.com
Here are a couple of samples. It’s fabulous that women have a place to write where they ar enot judged by, nor selected by male editors and publishers. Where once people blogged aobut their idiot boyfriends or obnoxious neighbors, now we write about things that matter. We write from a place of strength and knowledge. You won’t find crap here.
Oprah might retire, Maria Niles wantes to know if Oprah Winfrey has already mentally checked out.
Rita Arens rings in on making your children brush after every candy.
A blogger called Super Jive clues you into dealing with your ex for the holidays.
And for that sexy little warm feeling, check out Selena Kitt’s Erotic Fiction blog - if you can stand the heat!
Spend some time this winter season curled up by your computer, perusing the wisdom of women bloggers. We’re well worth the time!
