on behaviors that insidiously perpetuate descriminatory practices based on sex, color, background and other social criteria:
“… for women of color, disabled women, lesbians and older women these behaviors may be exacerbated and these women may experience other forms of differential behavior as well. Additionally, other “outsiders” such as men of color, persons for whom English is a second language, and those from working class backgrounds often experience many of the same behaviors….”
We are in the 21st century and still, discriminatory and non-respectful behavior is allowed, even excused in social and business settings.
I walked into my local branch of Bank of America last week. I am a professional. I am a solid customer. The teller said, “I’ll be right with you, Sweetie.”
This is a teller I have not met before, and ostensibly, a professional; a trained bank worker who realizes she is working in a business environment. The problem is in the word “sweetie.” I encounter more and more – it’s a trend now. Directed at women, and especially mature women. It isn’t meant to be warm and friendly. It’s meant as a way to delineate between “in” groups and merely tolerated groups.
I said, “I don’t mean to be unfriendly, but I strongly prefer you don’t call me ‘honey, baby, sweetie’ or any other diminutive. It feels uncomfortable.”
The teller swelled visibly, looked down her nose at me ( I swear to you, she actually raised her head and looked down her nose, like in a cartoon) and snarled, “Fine. What do you need today, M’am?”
Often, I suppose, I would just move on and chalk it up to poor training and human nature. But–wrong day. I finished my business, went home and called the bank branch manager.
After holding for 5 full minutes, I identified myself as a regular banking customer and I said, “In your regular course of a business day, if one of your employees, say a teller, addresses you in public, over the counter, as ‘Honey’, would that be ok with you?”
“Well,” came the reply. “These girls, some of them have worked here a really long time and they’re on great terms with me and most of their customers.”
(The woman I dealt with was every bit of 50 years old and certainly NOT a girl) –
And anyway, was that an answer?
“I think I’m hearing you say,” I said, “it’s ok for your employees, in a business setting, to refer to you as ‘honey’ or ‘baby.’ Did I get that right?”
“Well. I often see customers I’ve known for years come in with their child and I might even wave and call out ‘hi sweetie-pie’ to the child.”
I tried again, wondering why this was such a tough question when it seemed pretty forth-right to me:
“But I don’t know you. Or your teller. And I’m 57. Not a child. And I’d guess you aren’t either. So for me, it isn’t ok if bank employee call me honey.”
Dead silence.
“I see,” she said.
My request to her was simple. I asked her if she could please, at future training sessions, try to make the point to banking staff that friendly and overly-cloying are not the same things.
I object to any stranger calling me something sticky. Honey, sweets and babies are all—sticky.
She finally got it. She agreed wholeheartedly, and would address that at her next meeting. I commented that many women don’t enjoy such a salutation, and I seldom hear men being addressed that way in any business setting.
Since the 1960s when “women’s lib” was a new idea, battles have waged against stereotyping roles for women or any group. It’s clear to me — in the 21st century, grown-up socialized people have no excuses for not “getting” that.
Customer service in America, in a word, stinks. We have to endure customer service reps snapping “What you’ll have to do…” and “I going to need you to…”
Please and thank you are rare.
I can’t take on every gum-chewing, underpaid, angry CS rep, and I’ve come to grips with that. But I can and will require my bankers to act like business people and respect me as one, too.
